Yes - it's a "blog", but that "word", in itself, is another tirade.
PS: It's a much smaller list, but I also have Accolade -- the opposite of a Tirade.
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The BIG TIRADE LIST:
- Mom blames everyone but herself
- Flame war with Trump supporter
- TIM'S: Truth in Advertising??!
- Travel skills for picky people
- We need more Braile roads
- Breaking NEWS from Alberta Health!!
- Guess the Advertising BS Tech!
- The Internet of Things
- City the latest casualty of IT change
- Sun Columnist is a Lazy Moron
- Miles Davis Trumpet Method
- Heartbleed - the CRA edition
- Ward 5 Edmonton Candidates
- Airplane Passengers
- Stealing Logos
- Loud and Uncomfortable and Yellow
- An insult to Music Education
- Learn COBOL ??!?
- $100M 'drop in a bucket'
- Badger these guys for me
- A Beef about the Bell
- What month is it??!
- To Bleed or not Bleed?
- Pay at the Pump?!
- The Apple Sky has Fallen! We are doomed!
- Power Plant or Power Play?
- Donut Breath
- Attack Dogs in the hands of Idiots
- Anonymity on the net
- Trading an Edmonton Eskimo Icon?!?
- One for Jay Leno's show
- Here come the Judge
- Geo's Queue Theory
- Lessard vs Ormsby: Mandel vs Joe Avg.
- Flute should be M*A*S*H-ed
- Beeeeeee - log!!!!
- Leave no dunce behind
- James and Bob
- Don't Vote
There are MANY mini rants!.
- Yay. Wow. Let's get thrilled that downtown bars are going to have more drunks spending money. Dense people somehow equate butts on bar seats as economic enrichment. More bartenders!! Yah!! That's how we are going to break the economic downturn.
- A new privincial NDP budget on March 16: Half a BILLION dollars for the Royal Alex Hospital. 68 million for Misericordia Hopsital. Totally out of whack.
- The Federal Liberal Government has just sealed their doom. They just renegued on the promise to hold retirement age to 65. As much as the country despised Harper, the Conservatives were always too sneaky to flagrantly/overtly change their policies mid-stream.
- 2017 Feb 2: CTV local news reports that Transcend Coffee Shop (across from the Hockey Rink) will close at the end of the month because they're not getting enough business. Others are also saying that. What a surprise.
- The US bans Kinder Surprises because of their 'choking hazard' ... but strong magnets (in beads, toys, etc) are OK. And detergent packets.
- Dear Facebook: I really don't what to see that one of my "friends" has "liked" some post of a guy I don't know. Ditto for ALL 'happy birthday' messages.
- HUGEST speed bumps in Edmonton: Parking lot at Northtown Mall, right in front of London Drugs!
- On Nov 9, 2016, we just affirmed that almost half of population of the USA are gun loving bigoted rednecks. Orange is the new black(eye).
- We're at the end of October. We've got a lot of TV stations claiming "#1 new show on TV". I can't figure out which of the five or six claims is the real number one.
- Olympics: why is it that guys' uniform for beach volleyball is nice, loose, conservative 'surfer-guy-attire', and the girls' outfit is 'tight, tiny bikini'??
- Sure, Starbucks, I don't see anything wrong with you handing out stainless steel drinking straws. What idiot marketing genius thought that was a good idea?!
- Marie Lemay is the Deputy Minister for Public Services and Procurement. She is the highest level politician (ultimately) responsible for the cratering of the Fed's payroll system. Take her salary (and the current director of the IT division's salary) away until the >$14M problems are corrected for the public servants who are now using the Food Bank.
- WHAT??!! Cartoon Network!!! You change the voices, style, and timbre of my favourite cartoon: Powerpuff Girls!! You weasels!! You suck!!
- Dear overly-tree-hugging Iveson-run City Hall: You just thought we'd 'go green' and use electric buses? Sure. Less gas. BUT, how much greenhouse gas is used to generate the electricity to charge the vehicle's batteries?
- Adding a woman to Canadian currency? Isn't the pattern to only put prime ministers onto the bills? Thus the only choice we have is the six-month fiasco that was KIM CAMPBELL, right?
- Hey! I finally got ahold of 'Crown Royal Northern Harvest' whisky... The difference in taste between that and the regular Crown Royal is very VERY subtle. That means, in my opinion, I've already been drinking the best whisky in the world. And for half the price.
- Breaking news: "Bill Gates is backing the FBI in its case against Apple" -- do I really need to throw a zinger at this one?!!
- Tee Hee Harrr Harrr: (Like it needed a study for this) Survey shows Calgary kids have more (and bigger) cavities than Edmonton kids, and it's because of the lack of fluorine in Calgary's water!!! Reminds me of the 'anti-vaccination' tools on the planet!
- Small computer programming beef: WHO would build a computer language where one function is called 'indexOf' and another is 'typeof'??
- Okay, what the heck? Yes, the sky is falling, and we are in a terrible economic down turn. No one is mentioning that prices at the gas pump are finally down to a reasonable level - down about 50 cents per litre from the headlines of last year.
- News flash! The 'community rink' to be attached to the half-billion dollar downtown hockey rink is 'being scaled back', contrary to the architech's original design and pitch to the city and MacEwan University. What a big honkin surprise, eh?
- 2015Dec28: Geo Explains 'String Theory' : often out of tune, usually squeaky, and they don't practice enough.
- 2015Nov22: Today, I was unfairly ragged on by my family for making a below-par tirade. Fine -- tirade removed. You might be right, but I still think Joe Cocker's girlfriend in 'The Letter' was not all that desperate to see him again.
- There are way too many 'reviews'/'challenge flags' of plays in the CFL these days. It slows the game down way too much, and the referees are usually right, anyway.
- Why are the rednecks driving 4x4 RAM Trucks always the ones who slow to a crippled snail's pace when creeping over speed bumps in a parking lot?
- I just saw James Bond - Spectre, which was terrific! Opening song by Sam Smith? A rock-flavoured ballad performed in opera voice by a (male) soprano. WAYYY below par for the Bond franchise!
- A buddy of mine just pointed out that ever since curling became an Olympic sport, the 'athletes' gave up their beer, and started working out and doing push-ups. What the hell? That leaves SLO-PITCH as the only remaining team sport that you can still officially chug a beer in one hand while you are playing!
- 2015 Oct 24: You know the joke sign 'Repairs: $100; if you tried it first: $1000'. Thank you plumber: $500 for one hour of work. Yes, I tried it first - I gave up after five hours, but, I had all of the materials - you just had one tool that I didn't.
- 2015Jul20: “calculated misery.” Basic service, without fees, must be sufficiently degraded in order to make people want to pay to escape it. And that’s where the suffering begins. New Yorker
- Dec 17: The Alberta PCs have essentially gobbled up the Wild Rose. The motto seems to be: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Idiots - most of the Rosies now have to sit in the bleachers and nod their heads in agreement with the 12-or-so big shots running the PCs. Brilliant careeer move: from opposing (and visible) opposition to obscure, no-speaking member of the bully group.
- 2014 Nov 23: It's sad that the Edmonton Esks got pummelled by Cowgary, but the real sad thing is that we neglected Fred Stamps all season long. In a decade of crap for the Esks, he was one of the true shining stars - 'wall-of-honour' material - and he was (pratically) thrown away.
- 2014 Oct 16: '464 continuing care spaces opened', but not ONE WORD on how. Go back to building hockey rinks, Mandel. Until you actually increase the operating budgets, you have got squat. I'll wait for the RIGHT announcement: Every hospital in the province is going to get a 30% increase in guaranteed, long-term, operating budget.
- HOORAY!! Someone in the Federal Conservative Party has got some common sense: they've rejected the nomination request by that overly entitled, under-acheiving blowhard, David Xiao! Unfortunately, the air-time he's gotten for this will guarantee him a win for MLA again next provincial election.
- Okay, infomercials: "No-no" and "Silk'n" - You guarantee that hair won't return. So, when your hair is gone, what do you do with the device?
- What the heck with English? Why are infinite and finite not pronounced the same way? And how did we lose the 'o' from pronounce to get pronunciation?
- 2014Aug27: A gun instructor in Las Vegas was accidentally shot & killed by a NINE YEAR OLD GIRL who was learning to shoot an UZI! Well, that's two more people who won't be using guns again.
- Please drop the witch hunt of Alison Redford. Yes, she behaved like a bully running a multi-billion dollar company, but she relied on executive assistants. EAs are notorious for 'price is no object - my boss is important' - spending mentality.
- I wish I could say "that (person) is sharp". "Sharp" is a perfect, succinct word that I'd like to mean "meticulous, accurate, swift and astute". Alas, being a musican, "sharp" means: "that guy can't recognize that he's playing out of tune.".
- May 22/2014: Stop the presses!! Postmedia has announced that after TWO YEARS OF MARKET STUDY (!!!) They are going to shake the publishing world by formatting the news for paper, cell phones, computers, and iPads. In other news, after two years of study, scientists have discovered that people who were 53 are NOW 55!!. Idiots.
- People are lining up to take a trip to Mars by 2025. What the heck? The moon isn't far enough away for these people?!? Is it too easy to get to the moon, so no one thinks we should try setting up shop there first?!
- About three years ago, the city re-did the ball diamond at Aldergrove (part of the 'dry pond'/flood control project). Beautiful job by everyone except the parks and rec idiots who didn't square up the home plate with the rest of the diamond. Dear Parks and Rec: ever wonder why no-one books that diamond? (update: in the spring of 2014, I notified Parks and Wreck, and they actually came by and fixed it!)
- April 15, 2014: Ex-mayor, Stephen Mandel (my favourite) has declared he is NOT going to run for premier. HOORAY! First right thing the guy has done in years!!
- What the HECK?! FDA in the 'States and various health organizations are working on 'banning Trans Fats'. BUT, they're still letting cigarettes survive?
- Recently, a police dog was killed in the line of duty. Sad. But, the idea of building a special law to protect them is a little goofy. If that was the case, the police force, themselves, should be jalied for consciously putting the animal in harm's way.
- So I read quasi-science articles when they make it to my inbox. Occasionally, the topic of 'time travel might be possible' is presented. I vote for 'bullshit': there are many claims of people being visited by aliens, but NO ONE claims to have been visited by someone from the future. -- OK, no 'sane' person. If time travel will be possible some time in the future, how come no one's ever travelled back here to tell Celine Dionne to take up tennis, rather than singing?
- You'd think that with Mandel 'retiring' I'd be finished trashing him... But, thanks to Northlands, I've got another one. Mandel, the person who is trying to put Northlands out of business, is going to be the parade marshal for the Northlands-sponsored 2013 KDays.
- May 8, 2013: Front page Journal: An 8-page glossy Govt mailout to 1.2 million households - cost $350,000. HOW? Canada Postage rates: 63 cents. How can they produce a glossy AND deliver it for 29 cents per copy? Who's cheating here?
- Dear Mr. Mayor: "No" means "no".
- Nov 25/2012 Dear Edmonton Eskimos: So, how did that trade work out for you?
- BURTON CUMMINGS! ...W O R S T .... 'O Canada'.... Ever! youtube
- Hey! I just watched 'Batman and Robin' again... You know, the one everyone (including George Clooney) hated. It was campy! Throw-back campy to the 60's version. Nothing wrong with that, is there? Sheesh! Everyone is so darn serious!
- HOLY CRAP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6cvq2ZU9NA -- makes me want to change my name!!
- On 2012 April 16, I went to an all-candidates forum for my MLA riding (Edmonton McClung). Incumbent David Xiao didn't have the balls to show up.
- Warning from police: Adding a dangerous drug to an illegal controlled substance/drug ("ecstacy") is dangerous. Gee. Thanks for the 'heads up'.
- Did I get this right? After a long long LONG investigation/inquiry of the hospital/medical system in Alberta, a report (with recommendations) gets presented, and the response from government was that they will start an investigation?
- (NOT A RANT - directly, anyway) - CEC PURVES FOR MAYOR! Sure, he's over 70-years old, but he's less senile than the combined brain power of the entire current Edmonton City Council. See: Former Edmonton mayor pans downtown arena deal
- Yeah, the Henday is done - except, you can't get there from here: Henday to 137th Ave doesn't exist anymore. Also, if you're coming from the Whitemud, you can no longer use the Henday to get to 87th Ave (the Mall exit).
- How stupid are the lotto winners who say, "I won't change my life, I'll just stay the way I am, keep my job, and live in my current house". If that's the case, why the hell did you buy the ticket in the first place?!
- "HEMI" commercials, just like "B.L. Regularis" are the biggest advertising slight-of-hand in the book. "Hemi", 'hemispherically placed cylinders in a car engine' is used by many car manufacturers, and, often abandoned because the technology is as old as the gruff Southern-drawling voice that talks about it on the commercials. Bonus: TRY THE NEW GAME - Name the Gibberish!!
- Why do people use stupid 'big' words when the smaller ones suffice? Or, is there truly a difference between the word 'instantaneous' and 'instant'?
- NBA basketball is the most violent "non-contact sport" in the world. They also are allowed to cheat the rules (travelling, palming the ball,etc). No kid should be allowed to watch NBA, or they'll turn into hockey players.
- A news story about how a Math prof is being shit on because he stood up for his students and the grades he assigned. Coercion??? at the Big U? ... Geez, I've never heard of that before.
- I tried to watch the Rose Bowl Parade. Impossible. So many commercial breaks, useless 'behind-the-scenes' segments and cut-a ways, piped in music, and a total avoidance of the marching bands' contributions, that they deserve 4 feet of snow in Pasadena next year.
- Dear Telus Tech Support: Being cordial and polite does not make up for being incompetent.
- Add Avon to the list of moron companies to boycott, just like Gap, Beds Bath and Beyond, and James Cameron.
- Another incident where a musician left a million-dollar violin on a cab or coffee shop or something. Seems to only happen to string players - you never hear of a trumpeter or or flautist leaving their instrument behind. Or a piano player, or tuba player for that matter.
- BOO HOO! Poor Mayor Mandel got shot down on his asinine bid to spend $2+billion for Expo 2017!! A taste of his own medicine. Thanks (for a change) to the Fed government!!!
- After two and a half years of kiss-ass, MLA Raj Sherman has decided he's no longer going to play yes man to the (other) morons running our province. What took him so long to realize he's supposed to be a voice for the people, not a puppet for his party? (two days later - the real lesson: "keep your mouth shut, or you'll get fired.")
- Nov 10 news: Our city hall twits have decided to drop mosquito control's budget by $170K. But, they're putting aside $900K for an EXPO bid. You want to save on our pest control? Swat Mayor Mandel.
- Hey! We get flyers on Sunday... Yeah, most of the sales promoted in the flyers expire on Sunday (valid for Fri-Sunday). Somebody's paying for delivery and advertising that is useless. Who do they think they are? The government?
- 2010 Oct 28 headlines: 300 ducks sludged up (again) in the oil sands. I looked on the internet: "UNITED STATES FISH AND WILDLIFE SERVICE DIVISION OF MIGRATORY BIRD MANAGEMENT, LAUREL, MARYLAND" 2001 report of MALLARDS "harvested" that year: in Canada: 591,000. 5,236,000 mallards "harvested" in the 'States that year. Where's the front-page news for that stat? In a single hunting season (4 months?), six million mallard ducks were slaughtered for "sport".
- The phrase "you only use 10 percent of your brain" is only muttered by those who probably do only use 10% of their brain ... if that much.
- Safeway recently posted a sign saying "10 bottles of pop for $10". What? The sign makers had a deal on zeros?
- US election commercials often have the candidate speak for him/herself on the ad. Then the candidate says "... and I approve this message". No kidding?
- When the media says "police are investigating an incident at a known drug house", or "the victim of the stabbing is known to police", I get more than a little annoyed.
- Every time I hear of a fatal crash involving motorcycles racing at 3am down Groat Road, I feel nature is just culling the herd.
- Air Canada closes down self-serve baggage check-in at 10pm, forcing everyone to wait in line. Apparently, people flying at night can't handle self-serve properly.
- Why does instant coffee have to taste like crap?
- Airline security confiscates your nail clippers on your way into the terminal, but once inside the secure zone, you can buy a glass bottle of juice.
- Hey, convenience store owners! Fix your slush/slurpee machines! If you take three sips, and no more comes up the straw, it needs more syrup! Or get bigger straws! Cheapskates!
- I spent an entire TV season trying to like Caprica. New TV season. Caprica still sucks.
- Ball caps. Everywhere. The malls, restaurants - you name it. All ages. Rude rubes. What? They think a baseball game will break out in the middle of the Olive Garden?!!
- Oct 18 2010 civic election. Every incumbent returned to city hall. A pack of yes men/women and limelight seekers is returned to continue the embarrassment. Thank you Edmonton Electorate. Lemmings.
- leg•a•cy pro•ject ||legəsē |präj|ekt;
An expensive government initiative undertaken which shares a common completion/retirement date with the sponsoring politician.
syn: self-centred, egomania, egocentric, self-interest, self-serving, indulgent, narcissism, vanity, self-importance.
see also: brick monument, infrastructure project, transfer payments, election deadline
- I can't believe that Phillips head screws weren't buried beside their inventor, Henry F. Phillips (1890–1958). They should have never been created, but because he was American, his "invention" superceded the far superior Robertson (1879–1951) screw. Peter L Robertson was a Canadian, who licensed his invention to Ford's Model T. — 25 years before Phillips' first customer (GM).
- Having "pop" "singer(?)" Rod Stewart butcher the jazz classics is like listening to rush-hour traffic on the Anthony Henday.
- If I hear another diva embellish the National Anthem by playing with the tempo, adding flips and doo-dads to the long notes, and slowing the ending down to a crawl, I'm going to track down that insecure show-off and buy her a metronome and a tuner, and then make her watch Bleeding Gums Murphy do the anthem - over and over and over again, until her eyes and ears pop.
2017 Feb 14
Mom alerts the media! Defective Car Seats??!!
I vote for defective parenting.
|CHECK OUT THESE PHOTOS:
Global News continues to miss the point.
"The sky is falling!" A mom has discovered that her kid's seat belt buckle seized up. The problem? Food in the mechanism. Somehow, Global TV considered this newsworthy.
Okay. I always yell at the TV. BUT, this time, my (usually) calm wife is the one freaking out.
In a nutshell:
You know, this kind of mom is exactly the kind that will insist that there should be no peanuts in schools, or that Popsicle be labelled with a "choking hazard" warning.
2017 Jan 31
Easily offended Trump Facebookers
I trolled a Trump conversation . . .
All I said was something like:
Geez 'drin... I didn't know you had so many redneck friendsYep. I went back to the seventies, and used one-liner 'usenet' flame war bait. Call it nostalgia. Who would have thought that would have offended the noble, flag waving right-wing-nut Trump supporters? 'Redneck' hurts their feelings, but their hero can call an entire country 'drug dealers and rapists'?
Because friggin' Facebook lets me see conversations NOT initiated by a friend, but responded to by a friend, I was given the privilege (?) of seeing yet another 'Trump is our hero' posting. It's almost like they're trying to convince themselves that they are right. The poster was forwarding a picture/sign/meme about 'Boycott Starbucks' (Starbucks has the nerve to want to support Muslims and others in response to USA's recent travel ban of Muslim countries). Somehow, Starbucks is the enemy here - they're not supporting enough Americans.
Well, holy crap. I made a 'knee jerk' comment about the poster's support for bigotry. Ironically, he also points out that he may not have had all the facts. But I got in the way of an intelligent dialog about this 'boycott' topic.
I can't call him names for posting shit, but fan-boy responses tell me:
- Knee jerk much jerk?
- He's a Canadian kyle. He gets wet dreams from thinking of his prime minister.
- You are a pure douche bag and an oxygen thief.
- your trolling and judgmental douche baggery
OK, my posts lasted about an hour and a half. I deleted them from the Facebook thread so as not to offend any of those sensitive, caring, thoughtful friends of my friend, Adrian.
... CRAP it was fun to bait a bunch of Americans.
2016 Jul 24
What's wrong with this TIMMY'S picture?
SO, when was the last time you saw any Timmy's worker navigate from behind the counter, and dodge the lineups waiting for sub-Folgers-quality coffee, and cheerfully deliver two medium Ice Caps to anyone?
2016 Jul 10
Travel Pointers for the Inept
- Do have diabetes?
- Bring your own friggin' Insulin
- Bring your own friggin' SNACK
- Do you have heart trouble?
- Bring your own friggin' Aspirin
- Do you get nosebleeds?
- Bring your own friggin' Kleenex
- Are you allergic to nuts?
- Bring your own friggin' Epi-Pen
- Are you a vegan?
- Bring a friggin' CARROT
- Are you Kosher?
- Bring a friggin' blessed CARROT
- Do you experience 'leakage'?
- Bring your OWN friggin' Depends.
- Bringing your toddler to a computer conference?
- Bring your own friggin' babysitter!
- Bring your OWN diaper bag!
I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you have special needs, be responsible for yourself, you incompetent boob!
Why is it that some presumptuous pricks expect everyone else to anticipate their exotic needs? I'm guessing you were probably a Vegan before you got on that airplane to go on your trip. You might have figured out that you would be hungry sometime during the week, and might want to eat a Kosher meal, say, three times a day. You must have turned Jewish accidentally/over night during the flight from Toledo to Anaheim. Were you only diagnosed as a diabetic two nights ago when you were in the men's room at the hotel?
I'm going to guess that a lot of the people who declare out loud that they have 'special needs' are not actually disclosing the real special need they have: the need to stand out in a crowd. They are probably lonely, and their version of an ice-breaker is to make a host/organizer sweat. These needy little shits want others to kiss their ass for failing to have a toothbrush they can use.
Look after yourself, you little baby, and stop whining!
2016 Jun 1
Another Lawsuit to McDonald'sSome Comments Just Write Themselves
WHAT?!? I'm going to blame Facebook for the (somewhat) misleading headline, but it is just wayy toooo funnnny to ignore.
I think I've seen this kind of scenario on really really insipid TV shows (ie, "Just For Laughs - Gags") -- a blind guy drives up and asks for a burger. Yes it's a stupid gag.
BUT, this one is real. I was actually thinking of not clicking on the rest of the story, because it was just too good as-is. At an all-night drive-thru window, a blind guy trips his way through a parking lot, over curbs, probably waits in line behid a couple of cars, and walks up to the drive-thru window!!!
He's suing because -- why?? There's no Braille menu -- at McDonald's??!!
"Hey, how am I going to decide what I want to take-out if I can't touch a menu? I was in the mood for lobster! How am I going to figure that out if you don't have a Braille menu at the drive-through window?!"-- It's fargin' MCDONALD'S!! I'm going to take a wild guess -- uhhhhh, "burgers"?
OK, what he's really whining about is that he wasn't served by walking up to the drive-thru. On foot. At the Drive-Thru. On foot.
The McJobber refused to take this guy's order. I think that would have happened to a fellow with laser vision just as often as a blind guy!
Get off the damn road, you fool!
2016 Feb 5
Another one for the NO SHIT SHERLOCK files...How much money did the Government spend on THIS one???
We have a new government, but we have the same old bureaucracy running the province. How do department managers get away with these things? Better yet: why do newspapers keep reporting them? It only encourages these morons from doing more useless studies.
is reality. This is what needs to be fixed. This doesn't need
studies ... it needs more staff looking after patients.
Meanwhile, on planet earth:
We have a new health minister in our province. Sarah Hoffman seems to be a nice enough lady, but she's a FARGIN' SCHOOL TEACHER!!! What the HELL is she doing running the health system? It is very obvious that her naivité has given her bureaucratic underlings complete license to continue doing stupid things.
2015 Nov 17 [and on and on and on]
| As a public service to all
consumers . . .
Geo's Tirade Presents...
MADE-UP TECHNOLOGIESPlay along! Using George's exclusive Suck-o-Meter Technology, try to guess what company conjured up which techno-babble!!
Bonus points if you can figure out what consumer is actually SWAYED by this crap!
Note: LONG TABLE!! If you're on a Mac, <cmd> minus
If you're not on a Mac . . . get a Mac!
Click on a cell to show the answer!
|Mazda||Skyactiv Technology||whole product line||vehicle||9||The most irritating non-sensical gibberish of them all!|
|Mazda||Predictive iActivSense||whole product line||vehicle||9||The SECOND most irritating non-sensical gibberish of them all!|
|Proactive||Smart Target Technology||shampoo||personal||4||More stupid than irritating|
|Nissan||Safety Shield Technology||Rogue||vehicle||7||Might work well if you are a secret agent|
|Sally Hansen||Gel Technology||nail polish||personal||6||** Certa Mattresses should complain|
|Kia||Stop and Go Technology||Forte||vehicle||8||I've heard of that before. . . I think I shall call them . . . 'brakes'!|
|Dyson||Kinetic Science||vacuum||household||7||The 'science' of 'movement'?|
|Dyson||Air Multiplier Technology||portable heaters||household||5||Multiplier? I guess the opposite of a vacuum?|
|Giilette||Flexball Technology||razor||personal||8||A 1-inch flat device that follows curves. Just like a regular razor will. Use your wrist, you lazy bastage.|
|Bridgetone||Run Flat Technology||tires||vehicle||5||No. It's 'puncture protection'.|
|Michelin||Evergreen Technology||tires||vehicle||7||Tires made out of spruce trees.|
|BMW||Connect-A-Drive||whole product line||vehicle||7||Just like LEGO.|
|Dermawand||Radio Frequency Skin Care||face cream||personal||8||'Houston . . . we have a ZIT!'|
|Transitions||Advanced Chromea7 Technology||eyeglasses||personal||7||'Advanced'? What happened to the REGULAR Chromea7 ?! What happened to the PREVIOUS six?|
|Cresol||Eye Sun Protection Factor (ESPF)||eyeglasses||personal||6||Which factor do we use? Warp? Factor of ten? Twelve?|
|Simmons||pocketed coil technology||Beautyrest mattresses||household||3||Just 'pocketed coils', please.|
|Garner||Mexoryl Technology||Ombrelle UV sunscreen||personal||7||'Mexoryl'?!! I looked it up. It's a trade name for 'sunscreen'|
|No-No||Thermion Technology||hair removal gadget||personal||7||Stupid-Stupid.|
|Scratch Doctor||Advanced Micro Technology||car wax||vehicle||7||We wasted nano-technolgy on car wax instead of repairing cancer cells?|
|Sleep Number||Sleep IQ Technology||bed||household||8||Average IQ of people falling for this: 60|
|Instamop||Dual Bucket Technology||salad spinner for a floor mop||household||3||'Instamop' is stupid enough. No need to compound it with a 'technology'|
|DurabiliT||Unique Durability Technology||Sico evolution paint||household||7||'IdioT CorP' powered by unique Idiocy technology|
|Polident||Unique Microclean Formula||denture cream||personal||3||I'm not sure why I'd want my micro cleaned by denture cream.|
|Coppertone||Acuspray Technology||spray-on sunscreen||personal||4||Just HOW ACCURATE does your sunscreen have to be applied?|
|AbRocket||Exercise Efficiency Technology||work-out gadget||personal||7||Infomercial couch potato's best hope.|
|Certa||Dual Action Gel Technology||mattresses||household||6||** Sally Hansen nail polish should complain|
|NicoDerm||Unique Extended Release Technology||gum||personal||5||It's not just good enough that they're the only nicotene patch out there, their tech has to be 'unique'|
|Wagner||Revolutionary iSpray Technology||paint sprayer||household||5||With Mazda's iActive Technology?|
|Secret||Adaptive Response Technology||anitiperspirant||personal||4||Sentient beings under your arms!!|
|Tirecraft / Toyo||Studless Tire Technology||tires||vehicle||8||Uhh ... you mean ... 'tires'??|
|Neutragena||Micro-Mesh Technology||deodorant||personal||4||Mosquito net for your armpits!|
|Mighty Blaster||Power Pressure Technology||‘Fireman’s Nozzle’ garden hose nozzle||household||3||How is 'power pressure' revolutionary?|
|Alarm Force||Cellwave Technology||home alarm||household||2||Holy crap! You use a cell phone?|
|Dove||Oxy fusion Technology||shampoo||personal||6||Also works on carpets|
|Frog Tape||Paint block Technology||masking tape||household||8||'Block paint?' Why would we want masking tape to 'block paint'?|
|Hanes||X-temp Technology||underwear and socks||personal||7||Get Magneto or Wolverine to sub in for your socks.|
|Delta||Kinetic Technology||shower heads||household||2||So, you are saying that water MOVES?!|
|Delta||Touch2O Technology||faucets||household||5||'Two-Oh' technology? You need two hands to turn on a faucet?|
|New Era||Diamond Era Technology||baseball caps||personal||1||Next year: hockey masks - with 'Rink Era Technology'|
|Loreal||Dermatological Laser Technology||skin cream||personal||8||Laser beams!!! And we were worried about SUN BURN!|
|Mitchum||Revolutionary Technology||deodorant||personal||3||So 'revolutionary' that they couldn't even invent a NAME for it!|
|Con Air||Ionic Technology||The Ultimate Brush (hair brush)||personal||6||Doesn't this belong to Dyson?|
|Revlon||Light-Filtering Technology||face blush||personal||5||Mr. Invisible!!|
|Lagostina||Encapsulated Base Technology||cookware||household||3||Might make sense, but it just sounds ridiculous.|
|Acti-patch||Miniature Clinical Technology||pain relief patch||personal||4||Doctor Evil uses 'Mini-Me' for the easy/miniature clinical stuff.|
|Fisher||Smart-touch technology||baby toys||household||3||Who would have thought it necessary to brand a baby toy with a 'technology'?!|
|Just for Men||Air Active Technology||hair color||personal||5||So, you can drive an iActiv Mazda with the top down.|
|Verily||Wave Technology||eyeglasses||personal||3||What? Light is made up of 'waves'?? WITCHCRAFT!!|
|X-Acto||Pencil Saver Technology||Powerhouse pencil sharpener||household||5||Good GAWD! FORGET 'Save the whales!' --- SAVE THE PENCILS!!|
|T-Fal||Exclusive Technology||Deep Fryer||household||5||ANOTHER brilliant technology claim!! It's EXCLUSIVE!!|
|Dirt Devil||Cyclonic filtration and direct path cleaning technology||Handheld Vacuum||household||8||The winner for the longest technogibberish name!!!|
|Motorola||Moto ShatterShield Technology||Cell phone glass||household||6||Like a 'force field' but different?|
|RockTec||Steel pellet impact technology||The Rock Bi-Clad Cookware||household||7||Star Wars' shields|
|3M||3 in 1 Technology||Filtrete Furnace Filters||household||8||I'm guessing this will be eclipsed by 4-in-1 tech within a year.|
|Ford||Eco-boost Technology||Car engine||vehicle||5||Does this company really think 'Eco-boost' really distinguishes them from the competitors?!|
|Chevy||Teen Driver Technology||Mailibu||vehicle||4||Car will automatically stay out past curfew|
|Ford||Sync-3 Technology||Focus||vehicle||9||Does everything for the kitchen's sink|
|Aviva||Test and Go Technology||Accu-Check Diabetes Measurer||medical||7||Could easily be a laxative.|
|Subaru||Eyesight Technology||Collision Detector||vehicle||3||Good be useful for Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles.|
|OneTouch||ColourSure Technology||Verio Flex Diabetes Measurer||medical||4||Is it a TV set or a fabric softener? Nope. It's a thing that pokes you!|
|Kimberly-Clark||Thin-flex Technology||Poise Impressa Bladder Supports||medical||9||... I guess it's better than saying 'micro-diaper technology'??|
|Vuly Thunder||Leapspring Technology||Trampoline||household||5||... Not a mattress. Or, not usually a mattress.|
|Loreal||Layered Tone Technology||Age Perfect Hair Colour||personal||5||Tones like horn honks.|
|Lifeline||Fall Detection Technology||Auto Alert||personal||4||Rather than 'helllp! I've fallen and can't get up!!!'|
|Fusion Life Brands||Cerami-tech Non-Stick Technology||Copper Chef frying pan||household||4||Slippy square pan! Awesome!!|
|Pro-Mix||MycoActive Technology||Premium Lawn Fertilizer||household||6||Being demonstrated by a guy with a stubble beard.|
|Bausch and Lomb||Moisture Seal Technology||Contact Lenses||personal||7||Wouldn't you want the moisture to be released??|
|Rubbermaid||Fresh Vent Technology||plastic food containers||household||9||Uhh... you mean . . . holes??|
|Pro Mix||MycoActiveTechnology||dirt||household||8||Perhaps it's cow poop?|
|Sensodyne||Novamin Technology||Tooth Paste||personal||9||Claims to 'repair' damaged teeth using 'building blocks'|
|Persil||Pro-Power Technology||laundry soap||household||9||They even put a trade mark on it. Idiots.|
|PetSmart||Vet Technology Flea Protection||Dog Collar||household||8||Who else would come up with this? Aerospace engineers?|
|Rubbermaid||Fresh Vent Technology||Food container||household||5||More aerospace engineers?|
|Garnier||Mexoryl Technology||Ombrelle Sun Lotion||household||3||It's not enough to say '60 spf'?|
|Colman||Flare-Free Technology||BBQ||household||5||Another case of the obvious.|
|Sealy||Posturepedic Technology||Bed||household||9||Like they needed to add 'technology' to 'Posturepedic'?!?|
|Petsmart||Zodiac Vet Technology Infestop||Flea Collar||household||6||Holy crap. What has a boat got to do with this?!?|
|Crest||Whitelock Technology||Toothpaste||personal||4||If it actually could do the job, we'd be good.|
|Haynes||X-Temp Technology||T-Shirt||personal||8||Just stupid. And uses Michael Jordan to sell it.|
|Dove||One-Quarter Moisturizer Technology||Armpit Stick||personal||9||Is the other three quarters sand paper?|
|RubikSpark||Bubble-Control Technology||Hand-held light-up puzzle||personal||7||A translucent box that lights up/blinks.|
|Swiffer||Absorb-And-Lock Technology||Mop||household||4||I guess there's still hope for 'Shake n Bake Technology'.|
|Sleep Country||Spring Technology||Mattress||household||8||They're not even trying.|
|BetterBrella||Reverse Open-Close Technology||Umbrella||household||6||Is this a joke? SNL perhaps??|
|Compund-W||Accu-Freeze Technology||Wart cream||personal||9||Invented by the folks who brought you 'Accu-weather'|
|Jeep||My Sky Technology||Renegade Jeep||vehicle||7||It sounded like 'Nice Guy Technologies'|
|Advil||Dual Layer Technology||Pill||personal||5||How about "It has two layers"?|
|Panasonic||Cyclonic Inverter Technology||Microwave||household||5||No tornados in the kitchen, please.|
|Samsung||Water Wall Technology||Dishwasher||household||6||That's gonna hurt the dishes, isn't it?|
|Samsung||Digital Inverter Technology||Washing Machine||household||7||What? Is it related to Cyclonic Inverter Technology???|
|Worx||Micro Shred Technology||Leaf Blower||household||7||YAY!! Start with IBM thinkpads!!|
|Magic Tracks||Serpentine Technology||Lego/HotWheels hybrid||household||4||Track that bends.|
|Dyson||Ultraviolet Cleanse Technology||Humidifier||household||9||Quickly taking the championship for most 'Technologies'|
|Sensodyne||Novamin Technology||Toothpaste||personal||8||They might win for the most catchy of the 'technology' names|
|Sleep Number||SleepIQ Technology||Bed||household||9||One of the more useless attempts at a 'technology'|
|Presto||RFI BlockingTechnology||Wallet||household||1||Actually, this one is almost legit.|
|Atomic Beam USA||Tactical Technology||Flashlight||household||7||"Used by US Special Forces". Just like combat boots.|
|MTailor||Digital Tailor Technology||App to build a suit.||personal||5||Computerized dress-up.|
|Hasbro||Touch Free Technology||Simon Air||personal||4||Play a game.|
|Sleep Country||Climatech Technology||blanket||household||7||Hot and Cold technology|
|Jockey||StayNew Technology||Underwear||personal||9||Stay Stupid.|
|Liocaine||Hydro-Gel Based Technology||Pain Relieving Patch||Personal||9||Is that the same gel they use in disposable diapers?|
|Pioneer||Optimimum Acre Max Technology||Fast Yield Crop Fertilizer||Household||9||Add as many adjectives as you possibly can in front of 'technology'|
|Febreeze||Odorclear Technology||Air Freshener||Household||9||Couldn't they at LEAST use the 'U' in OdoUr ??|
|Flonase||MistPro Technology||Nose Spray||Personal||6||It's so good and powerful, it's no longer sold by prescription. Ie, it blows.|
|Callaway||Jailbreak Technology||Golf Club||Personal||9||Vying for first place on the "can't guess this" scale.|
|LiberatoR Medical||Clean Guide Technology||Women's Portable Catheter||Personal||4||Number 4 in Irritation Factor -- number 9 in 'EEEEWWWWW'|
|Honda||MicroCut Technology||Lawn Mower||household||5||Wow. Our yard will never be the same.|
|Yardworks||Quiet Power Technology||Lawn Mower||household||9||It's almost like Canadian Tire wasn't even trying.|
|Genie Hourglass||Double Compression Weight Training Technology||Girdle||personal||7||They even renamed the concept to 'shape wear'|
|Castrol||Fluid Titanium Technology||Oil||vehicle||8||Melt some expensive mineral, pour it into your engine.|
|Spinbrush||Pulsating Technology||Toothbrush||Personal||3||Almost too lame to even record.|
|CIL||SureStart Xtreme Technology||Fertilizer||household||8||Canadian Tire is trying to corner the market on gibberish technologies.|
2014 Nov 18
Slow news month in the IT industry
I guess when you have a month or two without a significant virus story, you have to resurrect old concepts to
stir the pot.
'Internet of Things'
Over 25 years ago, there was an over-hyped IT phrase:
There have been many hula-hoop phrases
The last couple of years, online computing magazines are using the scare tactics again - mostly for the idiot managers who only get their news by reading it on an airplane:
We have been integrating 'things' with our computers forever. We've been able to turn off/on our house lights from afar; we've turned telephones into computers; our televisions were turned into two-way devices in the 1970's (Telidon); computers used as fax machines; computers control traffic lights - - - etc etc etc.
. . . Oh, and let's not forget that computers have been able to communicate with other computers for a couple of years, too.
I remember a totally absurd concept a few years back, where a 'technology visionist' (aka 'crackpot') suggested that eventually all of our light bulbs would be on the internet, so they could sense how close they were to the end-of-service-life, and email a light bulb supplier with a replacement order to be delivered to the house automatically.
We were also supposed to run out of IP addresses about 20 years ago. 4 billion addresses weren't going to be enough - especially when we've got all those light bulbs to put onto the internet.
I have two IP addresses --and often, the service providers change them.
PS: I also seem to have survived Y2K.
- - - While I'm whining about rehashed/re-branded concepts, which arrogant twit decided that our industry be changed from 'the computing industry' to 'the information technology industry'? Shoot that guy.
2014 Sep 5
Spend $11M to save $2M
Another Institution Suckered By Google
Edmonton city auditors determine that the cost to move Edmonton's email to GMAIL and attempts to dislodge MS Office as the preferred productivity suite goes way over budget.As a veteran IT manager who was responsible for central services (such as email) I say:
HAH HAH HAH HAH HOO HEE HEE CHORTLE GUFFAW TEE HEE HARRR HARRRR!!
--- However, unlike some other institution who has yet to admit the BS 'cost savings' of going to Google, the city has come clean (probably not by choice).
100% of your population uses email. What percentage needs a shared calendar: One? Three? Ten percent? Oh, wait -- it's a public service institution (very top-heavy): manager-to-worker ratio is about 1 to 4. So, maybe 25% of your population can 'gain productivity' (ahahhahhhhhaaah hahaaa) by using a shared calendar to set up another meeting!
MS-blind . . . There are free offerings in the non-Microsoft world that can do the same thing. At an institution that can no longer be named, 30,000 students had email for a cost of ZERO DOLLARS to them, and a license cost to the institution of ... ZERO DOLLARS. But NOOOO! We can't learn a different way to let our secretaries look after our luncheon meetings!
But WAIT! If you go to Google, we'll throw in the ability to craft spreadsheet and word processing documents!! Okay, it means that you'll no longer be able to write your project proposal if you're not permanently connected to the internet, but hey! We'll give you the ability of sharing your data to others! Just like you could always do with a central file-sharing server at your own building!
Managers . . . Did any of those clout/money-wielding lemmings actually give up their MS-Excel and MS-Word licenses in the transition? Not bloody likely – the same reasoning that kept MS-Outlook alive (shared calendaring along with generic email) is forcing the need to continue their MSOffice licenses. About $45 per year per person.
And how is it that underling staff can be forced to go (kicking and screaming) to Google Apps? Because we're telling you to.
- To keep up with the Jone's: Google transition is a hot topic on airline magazines.
- Because they keep stifling people like me.
2014 Aug 17
When you're PAID to write,
What a wordy crock of shit.
show some insight, Gunter !!
Yet another case of lazy 'journalism'
- Eight paragraphs of poetry to fluff up how lovely rural life on the prairies is/was during the time of the quill pen.
- Four paragraphs of generic pipeline business history for the set up ... then...
- One and a half paragraphs of his concern
- Regurgitate more generic pipeline history, (glommed from other web sites, I suspect).
- A generic piece of clip art (a fisherman on a lake).
- Add a quarter-page banner saying that "Enbridge is Evil".
TIRE TRACKS in the mud.
No pictures of the terrible infraction. No real description of the heinous crime against nature. The 'silt run-off' isn't attributed to any wrong-doing of the pipeline company - he just says Enbridge didn't do anything about it. -- should they have? We'll never know: he's the friggin' journalist --- the one who should have dug deep enough to convince people he didn't just make it up. Someone paid money for him to write this crap!
... and the Edmonton Sun's editor's seem to accept it. After all, it filled an entire page, and had a catchy headline. Maybe it will prompt a response/quote from Enbridge, so they can mis-construe it, and build another one-pager of mud.
I'd actually write a letter to the editor for the Sun, but regardless of what is said in the 'letters' section, the asshole editor always affixes a 'last word'/witty-quip/comeback to each submission. Those one-liners always show the contempt he has for his readers. By writing my complaint here, I get the last word.
2014 June 1
Wander aimlessly around the stage,
Put your head between your knees and BLOW
The MILES DAVIS method - elitist musical gibberish
This is a great poster. It is often displayed on the wall of a lot of uneducated 'jazz fans' who have no idea who Miles Davis is. Or Jazz, for that matter. Or Music in general. Or a Melody.
Yes, it's a very cool looking poster. Get over it.
It's the poster of an elitist heroine addict from the 60s.
A long time ago, in a smoky lounge far away, artists used to gather to trade musical stories based on a foundation of well-established melodies and chord progressions. Regardless of what they played, they did it in honour of the underlying melody. This form of Jazz grew from humble beginnings -- traveling through soulful spirituals, ragtime, blues, dixieland, and many other related musical families. The best musicians could navigate the (very soft) boundaries dictated by the form of a song, and produce masterful, melodic prose. Those short stories were unique, and appreciated by most everyone in the club.
Somewhere along the line, some musicians got bored of playing 'variations on a melody'. Show-offs were heading toward 'be-bop' (where a musician tries to cram as many notes as humanly possible into the shortest duration of a bar of music), or by shifting to an extremely 'free flow'/'free form jazz'. By using one of those two styles, they would not be limited to silly rules, such as taste. They could, in essence, show off their virtuosity to only those who 'got it'. Never mind that people would not be able to 'feel' the rhythm or the musical patterns and flow -- because the music was being performed by the most prominent musicians in the city, it must be good. Maybe YOU just don't understand it. Look at all the other people engrossed in its artistry! No one is going to admit that they were baffled by the continuous flow of unintelligible noise. My GOD that man is a GENIUS!
Elite musical snobs like Miles, in expressing themselves, are doing it without regard to you, the audience. "Expressing themselves", or "impressing themselves"? They are trying to wow their tightly knit clique of musical colleagues. You know -- the ones that will go backstage during the break, shoot up with heroine and/or snort a line or two, then talk about how awesome they are. Thanks very much, audience, for your contributing your two-drink minimum to our drug habits. If I could find a way to pay myself, I wouldn't need an audience at all - I'm only playing for my own enlightenment, anyway!
How can any sober, clean individual appreciate this kind of performance: Miles' typical video
How do you teach a young trumpeter good habits, when rubes around him/her are saying "oh, you should hear and watch Miles Davis -- he's the best". WHAT?! stick a plug into the end of your horn, crouch on your knees, and play elitist gibberish to your ASS?
2014 April 16an IT management rant from a 31-year veteran
Canada Tax System Compromised
Standard Dysfunction of IT segments exposed
So, about a week ago, the IT industry discovered a flaw in a fundamental component of 'secure' web services.
The flaw allows people to inspect small chunks of memory from the web server. In the CRA's case, anyone (with a little know-how) can inspect small pieces of the active memory of the server. The active memory will likely have recent transactions (aka SINs), but also components of the server's system itself, including passwords and encryption keys).
This Heartbleed bug, in essence, is a standard 'memory leak' problem. Although the bug only exposes a small amount of memory each time it is requested, it would take no time to accumulate (and piece together) a massive amount of data from the server.
Public Service's real flaw in IT support:
Here's the problem:
- Help Desk/Client Services are the ones who get ragged on by the
taxpayers, and are the ones that media outlets talk to, given that the other IT personnel are 'too busy'
to deal with the public. Don't let the name 'client services' fool you: the Help Desk's job is to run
interference - act as a human shield between the public and the higher-paid members of the IT
When the shit hits the fan, they're the first ones to smell it, followed closely by:
- Web/Application Developers are the folk that are responsible for
making the face that the taxpayer will see. Like the Help Desk, they have a skill that is very unique
and scarce in the IT world: they know how to relate to humans, and
try their best to predict how humans would like to communicate with computers. By focusing on helping
others, they have to trust that other IT personnel deal with the "under-the-covers" pieces. Often,
application developers don't even have access to the system-level components of the servers they
build upon. They just dutifully look at their log files, making sure that their applications behave as
With respect to Heartbleed, Web/Application Developers are totally innocent. There are no traces of the exploit's activity in any of the web developer's log files.
Those poorly paid individuals are dependent on the so-called elite members of their department:
- Server Administrators are the high-paid 'elite' that make sure all
of the computers have the right operating system and services installed and any developer materials are
made available to the poorly-paid peasants (aka: Web/Application Developers). The secret that the sys
admins don't want anyone to discover is:
Sys Admins BLUFF. THEY DON'T KNOW SQUAT about what they install. They seem smart, but they merely cobble together server pieces that were developed by others!
OPENSSL, the key component in security for all these servers, is treated by most (if not all) these lazy twits as an off-the-shelf, set-it-and-forget-it widget. "Everyone else is using it, so I might as well, too".
What is really sad is that OPENSSL is delivered to these sys admins as uncompiled SOURCE CODE - which means that every sys admin in the world had the opportunity to inspect the code before compiling it and installing it on their computers.
Blind trust in other elite brethren of the Black Coven of System Administrators have contributed to the Heartbleed bug's 'undiscovered' two-year run. [Here is a much more polite explanation of the problem]
However, they are NOT to blame for the compromised SINs at the government. From what I can piece together, you can thank...
- Network Administrators are people who make sure each hunk of
hardware connects to each other - and to the outside world. Every bit of information
travels through equipment they are responsible for.
APPARENTLY, when the OPENSSL/Heartbleed vulnerability was first announced, the network administrators must have started logging the data traffic related to the bug. They trapped illicit traffic for 6+ hours. How else would they be able to announce that 'only 6 hours of data/SINs' was leaked?
W H A T ? ? ! ! ? !
CRA continued to serve the public for six more hours after someone in the department knew about the bug. Not only did (some) members of the CRA know about the bug, but (some) members had the foresight to start watching the leak - without plugging it.
You can't give the network admins the benefit of the doubt for this, because:
- Given that the application logs would not be able to detect the exploit, the only way to determine if the bug had been used would be to watch the data stream from the server to the Internet.
- The Network Sys admins had to have just added those tracing/capture routines after the bug was announced -- if they were trapping that stream a year/month/week/day earlier, they surely would have eventually discovered the aberration in data traffic, and alerted someone, right?
- The moment they saw illicit traffic leaving their front door, they should have alerted the Sys Admins and Web Developers and the Help Desk. Instead, they let six hours of data race out the door. Even if they couldn't contact a Sys Admin or Developer to turn off the service, they are the friggin' gatekeepers! They could do the virtual equivalent of unplugging the socket/service!!
Network Admins have an inferiority complex, brought on by the snobbish attitude of the Sys Admins. Of course they would resist talking to the sys admins. Especially when the egg is finally on the sys admin's face for using bug-riddled software. That'll learn ya, you lazy bastages!
I'm going to also assert one more thing: The real culprit in this breach of security is "Change Management".
It's one of the new hula hoop phrases of IT. In concept, it's good:
"Use a disciplined, documented, reproducible approach to making changes across services. "
Unfortunately, that is a world of fantasy. You have added a layer of bureaucracy that slows down and deters the fluidity necessary to keep a complex environment running at the top of its' game. You are expecting several warring factions to (somehow) swallow their pride and admit that other divisions of IT are equally important. Not going to happen.
Communication between groups cannot be dictacted or mandated. It has to be developed over time. Adding formal processes and paperwork just sends more tasks deeper into the underground. . .
. . . like trapping illicit data streaming.
2013 Sep 14
Councillor Candidates for Ward 5
... From embarassing all the way to mediocre
I really was hoping that I'd be able to cheer for a new city councillor. But, alas, I'm not getting a positive vibe from any of these folk. Here is first impressions of the new crop of Ward 5 possible Councillors:
- Alla Ternikova-- spews credentials, but no platform/issues. Seems confused between civic and provincial govt (legislature clip art)
- Jim Gibbon-- OK web site, Describes his plans thoroughly. Supports the arts, BUT likes the arena. Also, his 'reason for running' is very self-serving.
- Dan St. Pierre-- He played a politician in School. Outline of issues is trivial
- Allan Santos-- No issues on web site. Gave up an IT career (MacEwan microcomputer program) for a transit job. wow.
- Michael Oshry-- A HUGE amount of money he has spent on advertising. Makes me wonder how many more Over-engineered things will be in the works for the city.UPDATE: 2017 March 13:
Mike Oshry has been on the job for a few years now. For the most part, he has done a reasonable job of looking after our neighbourhood and for the city as a whole. Good show, Michael!
- Terry Demers-- Web site void of platform, name drops folk like Bobby Curtola, (Curtola's a professional auctioneer for fund raisers - he used to be a performer). She seems to be more of a star-struck cheerleader than a serious candidate.
- Rudy Arcilla-- Amateur Hour web site, nearly content-free. Try clicking on the 'more...' links -- they lead to some other company's web site. Nice quality control, dude.
- Rob Hennigar-- president of Laurier Heights Community league (aka the rich community), spews management-speak to excess. Also, trying to buy votes with an iPad give-away.
In other words, they all suck.
... and yes, I could do better.
2013 Jul 16
Astonishing Increase in Cripples at the Gate
Or people who don't know the order of numbers
- The individuals who will use a walker to get on the plane, but will do handstands and acrobatics to get off the plane first.
- Those who need to pee in a small toilet RIGHT AWAY!
- Those who want to claim the overhead bins in row 17, even though their seats are in row 21.
- Those who enjoy watching 30 other retards waiting behind them in the aisle while you adjust your belt, climb over your travel companion, and then come back out to retrieve the chocolate bar from the over-sized carry-on you can't/won't put under your seat.
- The old men, travelling alone, who somehow think that by taking their aisle seat right away, they'll luck into a free grope of the woman who might have to climb over him to be seated in the neighbouring seat.
- Those people who legitimately have the mental impairment of not comprehending the word "WAIT"
- Those people who want to watch the twelve people who actually follow instructions blow a fargin gasget before they get themselves seated.
- The ones who never buckle up, or put their seats and trays up when they are told.
- The people seated in row 15, who want to feel like they're in first class, as they watch rows 24 through 32 board 'first'.
- They need extra time to press the 'stewardess help' button fourteen times before takeoff.
- Those idiots who know that they'll also be the first ones to unbuckle their seatbelts and stand in the aisles upon arrival at the destination.
- The same passengers who will order an expensive Kosher meal, only to toss it when they see that the real meal is bacon-wrapped filet mingnon, with a white cream sauce.
- Those that will insist that they be moved to a seat which would give them the most eye contact with the flight attendants, since they will be very, very needy of wet-naps and extra pillows throughout the flight.
- [... add your moron event here ...]
The only thing worse than road rage is air rage.
2013 Jun 7
"FLATTERY" or "LAZINESS" ?
Lotsa Lame Logos
Which came first? The 1964 Ford Mustang Logo,
or the 1968 Calgary Stampeders Logo?
... What? It's not obvious?
The only acceptable explanation for Cotown to blatantly copy the Ford Mustang logo is that the Stamps' version was submitted by a 9-year-old, who won a coloring contest sponsored by McMahon Stadium.
But, the Stampeders aren't the only amateurs in graphic design...
2013 May 20
The LUXURY LINER circa 1958-2014
Schools and Marching Bands: Preserving the loud, uncomfortable,
dangerous, and the ugly.
Fifty Years (at least), these pieces of crap have remained virtually unchanged. They are:
You can hear these things roaring toward you fron two blocks away. A lot of them are diesel, which could have been a cost saving, except most of the drivers idle these yellow beasts for twenty minutes before they finally grind these behemoths into gear!"Hey, if I have to get up at 5:20 am, then everyone else in my neighbourhood should, too!",
signed, the granny across the street who warms up her deisel bus for an hour every AM.
What? Who needs air conditioning when you have windows!?! Besides, the heaters never worked, so why should we try to install a/c?
How many band trips used the back four rows to stack floor-to-ceiling with instruments and luggage? Emergency exit? We don't need no stinkin' emergency exit!
Can't we shrink the engine compartment from 200 cubic feet to, say, the size of a Camaro's engine compartment? The acceleration of these yellow things is so poor, you can see kids on trikes on sidewalks beating them across the intersection. The notion that a bus needs a lot of 'torque' (hence the loud, grinding gear changes) would work fine if the buses were travelling through bogs, marshes, and horse pastures to make it to the little red school house - however, they obviously don't work -- every year, 'snow days' occur only along rural school bus routes.
Another thing that amazes me: the cabin is so high off the ground, probably the most dangerous place for a 2-foot four child to stand is beside of one of these tubs - where there is NO POSSIBLE WAY for the driver to ensure that there are no kids around the vehicle!
Hint for band managers: always lease an extra bus. You will need to move the kids from Bus #1 to Bus #3 twenty minutes outside of Butte, Montana.
Some reasons why these things probably haven't changed:
- With winter snowboots, kids can still ride the bus bumpers with less fear of injury than actually riding inside the bus.
- The only exercise for a lot of the kids is the acrobatics of climbing over the seats
- As the birthplace of the fine art of 'mooning', the manufacturers are legally obligated to provide twenty ass-high windows. No one has yet repealed that law.
- The centre of gravity of a school bus is purposely high, so kids can learn cooperation - 'lean one side', 'then the other'. There is no better way to teach the physics of 'sympathetic vibration' than to topple your very own school bus!!
- Every fan-bus for football games gets completely trashed by the end of a season, so a ready-supply of half-century old compatible spare parts is a necessity.
- Just as Microsoft has kept IT professionals in business for the past thirty years, veteran mechanics from the Korean war continue to have work.
- For long band trips, the low-back seats give chaperones a better opportunity to nix any 'hanky panky'.
- The noise of the engine needs to drown out the whining and screaming of the passengers.
- A lifelong cumulative effect of riding on nonexistent shock-absorbers has spawned a new industry: Chiropractic 'medicine'. Lots of kickbacks ensue.
- They make the Diversified fleet of 'luxury coaches' actually seem luxurious - even though they remain (expensive) pieces of crap.
2013 May 3
Music Education gets another shafting
Edmonton Public Schools leverages passionate parents and music
kids to protest budgets
My pal, Eric Heise
Click: CBC STORY
Given that most of the friends on my Facebook are firm believers in the value of performing and liberal arts, I'm forwarding along this article that was brought to my attention by a terrific friend and awesome piano accompanist.
Kari and her son, Eric, were given the opportunity to speak to the CBC about the impact of the Public School system yanking $250K from their annual budget that was used to provide enrichment to kids who have demonstrated a profound enthusiasm for choirs, bands, symphonies, and performance art.
Mastery of performing art requires dedication. The by-product of a solid musician is better grades, a socially mature individual, and a sense of responsibility.
Restricting and/or eliminating city-wide opportunities for young creative minds only shows the short-mindedness of the bureaucrats at the school board (and provincial government) levels. All at the same time the province is announcing MASSIVE capital projects.
Remember all of you voters out there: You're the ones who elected the school trustees and the persistent PC landslide majority.
2013 Mar 11
Teaching a Legacy Computer Language
Should we also be teaching Engineers how to build vacuum
Antony Savvas, a writer for Techworld online magazine, reported on "research" sponsored by the application modernisation, testing and management firm Micro Focus. The study somehow discovered that more than half of the academic leaders of the 118 universities surveyed say they believed Cobol programming should be on their curriculum.
The good news is that students have spoken; only 27 percent actually have COBOL courses. [News alert: "students are smarter than school administrators"]
30 years ago, I took COBOL in school. One course: I was interested in learning more about databases- at that time, that meant using COBOL. OK, fine. I was a good typer - a requirement for the absurdly verbose COBOL language. I even used that skill to write a couple of COBOL programs (from scratch) for my job. The programs were fairly trivial tasks - variants on a theme:
The ineptitude of the language to handle real-time (conversational) input, (that is, letting a person type data directly from a terminal into the computer program, rather than a 'batch' of pre-entered lines of data) led me to learn a scary skill: building an assembly language interface between a more conversationally (aka 'interactive') language back into COBOL code.
- take a file of raw data, usually formatted by columns
- separate the fields, and check for typos/bad input
- sort the records
- produce a pretty, formatted report, including any tallies/totals.
All I really learned from that small window of my coding career was:
Alright, it also taught me about how to program in smaller, procedural blocks (new languages call these things 'methods').
- COBOL SUCKS
- I'm a good typer
The notion that academic institutions 'teach programming languages' is fundamentally flawed - that's a task for a vocational school. Universities use computer languages to teach concepts and techniques - algorithms. The language learned is incidental. A byproduct.
Some people will claim that COBOL still runs a lot of the code used by businesses. So what? No one is building COBOL programs from scratch - they are only modifying existing COBOL programs. So, when the time comes to update/add new features to one of those existing programs, a business has essentially two choices:
- Get a programmer to delve into the dusty old code, figure out what it is doing, and make changes.
- Use the opportunity to replace that 30-year-old piece of irrelevant crap with a new program.
Given a few weeks, any good programmer would be able to figure out what is going on in a COBOL program (A few hours, actually). That's because one of COBOL's endearing features is that it (hah!) self-documents its logic. Example:... that example sets up the data file for the rest of the program. I would compare it to this PERL chunk:INPUT-OUTPUT SECTION. FILE-CONTROL. SELECT StudentFile ASSIGN TO "STUDENTS.DAT" ORGANIZATION IS LINE SEQUENTIAL.open(StudentFile,"<STUDENTS.DAT"); # open a file handle 'Studentfile' for sequential reading
It's an oversimplification, but, If you know one language, you know them all. Take the differences in CFL/NFL football: Essentially, the same game. If all you played was American college football all your life, would it really take that long to learn the CFL? Should the UofA offer an option in the Phys Ed department for 'NFL-rules football' to complement the CFL standard?
2013 Feb 14
Auditor General should have his judgment audited.
$100M drop in a bucket for travel expenses
[Canadian Press, Metro, Feb 13, 2013]
So, Alberta Health Services is being audited for poor reporting of expenses.
Apparently, not how much is being spent, just how it's being reported.
Merwan Saher, the Auditor General, says that is just a drop in the bucket for an organization with 100,000 members to spend $100,000,000 in incidental expenses, such as travel and hosting. (The article is actually vague and what other expenses are involved in the $100M - it cites other purchases, but doesn't elaborate. The story's also ambiguous about whether the 17 month audit was looking at a single fiscal year, or more [I feel another tirade coming on about lazy reporters...])
From the story:[... Saher ...] says that less than one percent of spending involved senior staff, while $60 million involved employees in the lower ranks.
OK, a little management talk here.
A ratio of one percent 'senior managers'-to-schleps might be OK. When I was employed as a manager of IT in the Institution That Shall No Longer Be Named, I was directly responsible for about hundred people; I would have considered myself as a 'mid-level manager'. So, we could have a real problem at AHS if there is a level of management below 'senior managers' that is actually doing the work. At my public service institution, my 'senior manager' had six mid-level managers. The senior manager was ultimately responsible for roughly 300-400 people. A 0.33 percent ratio. So, is AHS top-heavy?? I'm betting MOST DEFINITELY
1000 senior managers.... $40,000,000 [~ $40,000 per person]
9000 staff members...... $60,000,000 [~ $7,000 per person]
W H A T ???!!! Some bureaucrat is spending $40,000 on TRAVEL??!! [oh, and 'other purchases'] And a general worker (lab tech, nurse, secretary, computer support, driver, doctor) is getting $7,000 ??!!?
Where I worked, my budget allowed for about $800 per staff member for professional upgrading/training/conferences, etc. I allocated myself about $2,000 per year, but rarely took it [there was also a professional allowance of $1200 per year for me to buy books, etc. -- I rarely took that either.]
So, how the hell do you spend $40,000 on travel and hosting???
I've got a contract with an international science foundation, where I wrote the code for their conference registration system. It's a typical academic conference. The charge to attend is roughly $2000 for a one-week conference. In the worst-case scenario, Airfare would cost about $3000, Hotel at worst-case would be about $300/night. Public service food allowance (per diem) is much less than $100 per day (ps: most conferences pay for meals, so most conference attendees should NOT be asking for meal reimbursement). So, a high-end, 1-week academic conference, half-way around the world would cost $11,000 - MAX.
The Auditor General thinks that it's OK for every senior staff member of AHS to go on four separate 1-week conferences half-way around the world a year?
2013 Feb 10
Badger these guys
Fast Food Signage - Part One
I've got lots of complaints about food places -- I actually had a restaurant review site for a few years. a company bought me out - (for cheap), but at least I can brag that I had a web site that was purchased. Cool, eh?
But, I also eat a lot of crap. Mall crap.
I live near the Big Fat Mall ("West Edmonton Mall"). They have two food courts. Many foods. Lots of variety.
There's one place that really pisses me off. Has been this way for many many years, through two- or three- signage changes, I'm sure. This place sells donairs. The also advertise donair subs. It's on their sign. Has been on their signs forever. Probably twenty years ago, I walked by and asked for a Don sub, and pointed up to their sign... The guy growled and said "Sorry, no buns -- just donairs". That kind of pissed me off, so I politely thanked him, and walked away.
Then I came back the next week, and asked the same thing -- I got an identical answer, "Sorry, no buns -- just donairs". This time I challenged them, and said, "but it's on your sign". "Sorry, no buns.". Now, I'm cranky. For the next few weeks, it was my ritual to always walk by that donair kiosk and ask for a donair sub. Eventually the donair guy would notice me coming and bark at me "No buns! Go Away!!".
Even after he updated his sign, he still advertised the donair sub, and won't deliver.
It isn't much, but it is a bait-and-switch... The amount of meat, cheese, etc. in a sub is a lot more than a pita bread. He's been too fargin' stupid to increase the price for his phantom sub - instead he just tries to side-step the matter to his customers by offering the generic/standard pita-based donair.
I get the same treatment from all three of the guys who seem to take turns at the site. I get the same sucker treatment from all of them. Every once in a while I will still walk past this twit's kiosk, and ask for a donair sub -- I don't go often enough where they will instantly remember my face - or when I'm with someone who will be embarrassed by my performance. I still point out that 'maybe he should change the bloody sign".
Here's where all of you come in: walk by this guy's donair shop, and ask for a donair sub. (His newest sign calls it a "LOAF"). I need help trying to shame this dork into either taking off his sign, or actually start buying buns.
By the way... There's a great place near the University called "Duke's Donair" -- I can get monster donairs, fries, pizza, etc. Good folk. I could also get a donair sub when the mood strikes me. Try one. You'll like it.
2013 Feb 7
Here's a sign proudly (or lazily) displayed at the door to a local Taco Bell, claiming the origin of its product:
2013 Jan 21
Dear Radio Announcers:
2012 June 27
To be... a bleeding heart? Or NOT?
Zero on assignments, or rot in Guantanamo?
Edmonton Journal, 2012 June 27
So, a 25 year-plus veteran of the Edmonton Public School is becoming a front-page hero, right alongside the kid who killed and maimed US soldiers in the name of some god or something.I believe the act of teaching is performed without any expectation of personal reward. This is a selfless career, and the ones who have given their entire lives to this vocation should be considered the most honourable members of modern society. The great teachers become inspiration and examples to us all. When olde-timers reminisce of the most memorable, influential people of their youth, the majority of them will recall their teachers. We need good teachers. Good teachers, themselves, are life-long learners; they never give up. However ...
For all I know, this science teach could just be trying to coast his way to retirement -- it's a heck of a lot easier to give a zero than to actually try to encourage a kid to learn something. A ton of teachers I've had the privilege of 'learning from' over the years were absolute dinosaurs who would spend each teaching day as different year, same lecture. They would be noticeably absent from staff meetings (since they're not about to change how they teach their material), and are likely the ones to conveniently be absent from parent-teacher interview days. You'd also not likely see them attending professional development days at the annual teacher's convention.
Those are the teachers with no friends or real colleagues.
How many teachers have stood beside their Ross Sheppard colleague to challenge the 'no zero' ruling?
Now, let's talk about the real world, like the tool who was given front page of the Journal today to spew his comments. "In the real world, there are no zeros". Bullshit. Have you ever worked for a union? You can slack off for years, and you're still likely to get an annual increment; your annual review will politely encourage you to try a little harder next year. Here are a few others:
- Do your super-hero hockey players get docked in pay every time the team loses? Their goal is to win, right? They win 60% of their games next year? Dock them 40% of their salary. Doesn't happen, does it?
- Miss a faculty meeting? Did you get docked in pay?
- Fail to encourage all of your students to hand in assignments? Dock in pay?
- Were you late paying your property taxes? Did you have your house seized?
- Does the baseball coach permanently bench every inept, uncoordinated kid on his Pee-Wee team in favour of ones who didn't strike out the last nine at-bats?
- Re-use the same physics exam every other year to cut down on your work load. Dock in pay?
Now, what the heck is the connection with the terrorist locked up in Cuba?
See the other front page story.
Apparently the Muslim who dropped out of school in grade eight, learned to kill and maim, and got locked up as an admitted/convicted terrorist, is being given private classroom time. I wonder if our Shep physics teacher would have the balls to give a zero to him? Or, would he try a little harder to encourage the student to take learning more seriously? Are you a bleeding heart or a hippocrate?
And, shame (as usual) on the media, for taking the easy way out on the stories -- has anyone taken the time to properly review (and report) on this, poor, defenceless teacher? If it were a court of law, the lawyers would look into the reliability of the witness.
PS: I didn't make front page when I was unjustly treated by an Institution that Shall No Longer be Named (after 31 years of service) - why the hell should a high-school science teacher be given front page to talk about his undying principles, standards and philosophies?
2012 May 23
Pay at the Pump...
What, you really want to lose money?
I go to get gas. I'm on empty. OK, fine. Happens a lot.
Hey! I'll go to the Mac's store in Callingwood. I'm right there, anyway! While I'm there, I'll treat myself to a large slush (aka, 'froster'/'slurpee'), a newspaper, and heck -- I might even pick up a bag of M&Ms or something to quickly munch on in the car (before I get home)! Easy enough to score extra junk food when you're going to use your charge card for a $55 fill up, anyway...
"Pay at the Pump Only"
Are you franchise owners really that stupid? Let's think about how much pure profit you lost with this ridiculous action to:
- Alleviate the lineups at the cash register?
- Reduce errors at the cash register because your staff don't like their McJobs?
- Your staff don't like seeing people?
- You honestly believe there are that many 'dash-and-dine' pump-runners? You still have to flick the switch to turn on the pump, right?
Here's what really happened:
- I drove away, and found a place that would satisfy my need for impulse buys, and let me fill up with gas and junk food - - and do it on one charge card transaction.
So, not only did you lose about $6 (net profit on the gas fill), you lost about a dime profit on the newspaper, $2.50 on the slurpee (we know it's all profit), and depending on how hungry I was, about $1 profit on a big pack of M&Ms or a bag of chips. Oh, and I wouldn't mind a couple of packs of Hall's cough drops, since I'm here. Another $2 profit. Hey! a new MacUser magazine! I'll pick that up, too!
Your decision to alienate me cost you $12 bucks in pure, easy money; 8 minutes of work for $12 profit could pay for an extra clerk.
Even if I would have just gotten gas at the pump, skipped the junk food, and drove away without bothering your McWorkers, you still would have lost out on about $6 impulse profit. For some folk, it probably would be more, because you could try to sell them lottery tickets or extra packs of smokes, or whatever.
You are a convenience store! -- NOT a gas bar!! Take a look at the merchandise you have in your store! If you don't want people to buy it, sell the franchise to someone who will do it right, and buy yourself one of those goofy 'Domo' booths.
And while you're at it, get bigger straws for your slurpee machine!
2012 Mar 6
Oh my gads - the sky is falling!
In email today:On 2012-04-06, at 11:48 AM, Mike Malone wrote:On facebook yesterday:Hey George, what do you think about this?
C|Net / ZDNet storyDoug ZimmermanHere's the "panic":For my Apple disciple friends...Larry? George? Rob? etc etc etc???
This is what happens on slow news days. People start viral panics about nothing. This story being picked up by the Financial Times ranks way up there with the ever-elusive Mayan "End of the Earth" date.
All the articles can be traced back to one source: 'Ed Bott' -- I've followed his diatribe off and on. He has been out to get Mac for years. His regular column in ZDnet is a Microsoft-based column. He has been trying to fear-monger his way into popularity for Microsoft for years. He's generally full of shit - but he won't accept it, and continues to try his absolute hardest to discredit the Macintosh.
He's also just a writer of prose, and a user of computers — not a sys admin or programmer. For another writer to accept this twit as the de-facto standard for news-worthy items on Macintosh security lowers that writer to the level of "National Enquirer". Here's Ed's credentials (http://www.zdnet.com/blog/bott):"Ed Bott is an award-winning technology writer with more than two decades' experience writing for mainstream media outlets and online publications. He's served as editor of the U.S. edition of PC Computing and managing editor of PC World; both publications had monthly paid circulation in excess of 1 million during his tenure. He is the author of more than 25 books on Microsoft Windows and Office, including the recently released Windows 7 Inside Out."He writes books about how to use MS Word?!?!
Here are the facts, and why us Mac users don't need to panic: It's not a virus; it's a trojan horse-based piece of 'malware' (aka 'bad software'). A virus spreads from one machine to the next without anyone knowing (or doing anything about it). A trojan horse is something that causes a moron user to get suckered into installing something bad onto his computer. Calling this an epidemic is like calling the Nigerian spam scam an intelligent revenue-making source. Unlike Windows, where merely having your machine plugged into the internet is enough to get you infected, you have to be overly gullible to infect your own Mac.
Oh, and the code runs on browsers with Java turned on. Apple's browser, Safari, has Java disabled by default.
Call me when there's a real threat. Until then, I'll continue not having to spend money on protection software, or sweeping my machine dry and forcing me to spend about eight or nine hours re-installing the OS and it's incremental updates to the OS, and twelve or thirteen reboots.
2012 Feb 27
Power Corridor between Edmonton and Calgary?
There's about 1.5 MegaVolts of power running between Edmonton and Calgary. The Genesee Power plant in Edmonton hooks up to Langdon Power plant in Calgary.
The ALTALINK report (pdf) says the following:“The Board finds that expansion and enhancement of the existing N-S transmission system between Edmonton and Calgary is required to alleviate system constraints and to improve system efficiency”In essence, the new recommendation says that we need to build another 1 megavolt of infrastructure between Edmonton and Calgary.
The North-South transfer path is defined by the AESO as the South of Keephills (SOK) path. It connects more than 4,000 MW of the province’s base load generation in the Genesee region to Alberta’s largest load centre – Calgary and its surrounding communities.
I spent a lot of time in my life dealing with 'load balancing' and 'redundancy'. But, I've also spent a lot of time dealing with sub-dividing services into autonomous/distinct regions when capacities grow large enough where distinctness and autonomy (with loose cooperation with counterparts) adds efficiency. Basically, there's a time and place for everything.
In this Power Corridor case, why would we spend zillions to glue two very powerful regions together, rather than sub diving them into distinct, (nearly) self-sustaining/autonomous regions? Spend the money to upgrade Genessee, and send more power North to Ft. McMurray. Spend money at Langdon, but distribute the capacity to the Calgary regions, and down to Lethbridge and Banff. Yes, there's growth between Edmonton and Calgary (Red Deer), but not that much! The existing 1.5MV should easily handle the growth to central Alberta. Make Edmonton's power base larger, but let it serve Northern Alberta. Let Calgary's capacity grow, but don't worry about what's happening in the North.
"Redundancy" (often confused with stability, as in this case) should allow for the abnormal case - not day-to-day service. In those few cases where a drop in capacity happens in Calgary, the so-called 'bottleneck' of 1.5MegaVolts from Edmonton would surely suffice for the uncommon situation that a piece of Langdon blows up. Still, it would be much better to build redundancy into Langdon, so the chances that Calgary would have to 'import' power from Genesee would be virtually zero. And vice-versa.
The North/South corridor expansion is not long term planning -- it's stupidity. South Alberta and North Alberta are big enough where the need to share resources just to show that 'they play nice together' is getting in the way of efficient management of resources. I suspect the project exists because politicians figure that there are more out-of-work linemen and cherry picker truck drivers than there are electrical and mechanical engineers and site construction workers.
2012 Feb 9
"I won't go out with you — your breath smells like coffee"
These are the cartoon characters from the Excel chewing gum commercials. They're hounding some poor sap who wants to go out with a girl. But, the girl is apparently so shallow that she's turned off by not only the smell of onion, but also the noxious fumes of coffee and donuts.
Okay, onion breath isn't very nice. But why the heck would Wrigley's Gum execs allow the Toronto-based ad agency, BBDO use a donut as one of the other hard-to-handle fumes coming from a person's mouth?
Is it because the gum isn't very effective against real smells like garlic, or chili-peppers? It would be like Tide Laundry Detergent saying they'd be able to make off-colored white socks look like cleaner off-colored white socks.
Or, is it that the agency's cartoonists couldn't figure out how to draw a cartoon garlic clove?
Or, maybe Wrigley and BBDO are making a statement against the Toronto Police Department for the number of "donut runs" their officers are doing?
If they're picking on the smell of a harmless, defenceless little donut, what hope is there for a poor slice of cheesecake?
2012 Feb 8
"My cute darling little puppy wouldn't hurt anyone"
There's more whining on the 'net about some poor (aka 'stupid') lady who is fighting to have her precious Muffy returned to her and her forlorn daughter.
There are a few very smart cities and counties who have banned to ownership of specific breeds of dogs. Good on 'em. As a very wise Vulcan once said:"... logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
Regardless of the societal norm, and regional rules, dupes masquerading as animal lovers continue to harbour these vicious animals.
Learn these little tidbits, you morons:
- They are not children.In normal society, when a child arrives into the world, the parents really didn't have an option on what they got. Even if there was an adoption after a baby's birth, there is very very little chance that the little tyke will grow up to have stronger jaw muscles and longer teeth than everyone else in the school yard.
- Vicious dogs are consciously chosen and acquired.You made a choice to acquire an item that is banned in many regions of civilized society — we didn't force you to adopt something illegal - you did it all by yourself.
Or, you had the dog in a region where city hall was too stupid to protect their citizens, and all of a sudden, you got transferred to a place where it is banned.
- You wanted a 'challenge'...Teaching a sheepdog to play nice with others is no challenge, right? You want to stand out from the crowd and declare that your cute little pit bull is one of the few bulls of its kind that are not killers. Yes, you are so much more qualified than all the other rednecks who thought that same thing.
The mere fact that you own a doberman means you are too stupid to teach it anything but how to chew raw meat.
- ALL puppies are cute.At the pet shop, your darling little 2-year-old daughter thought that 4-month-old Rottweiler was "ohhh-soooo-C U T E". Yeah, she also likes Gummie Bears, and is wearing a unicorn t-shirt. You're the bloody parent. Would you give little Cindy a blow-torch if she told you it was cute, and promises to look after it correctly?
Fall in love with an animal, fine. But you do have a choice on what animal you start out with. Fall in love with a chihuahua
- You don't need protection.— at least not that much protection. For Jebus' sake, even a poodle has enough of a bark to scare off intruders to your home while you're away! (ps: that only works if you leave the hound in your house all day long -- has it got a strong bladder?)
- You don't have enough room for it.Sure! Leave it out in your backyard! Let it shit all over my yard! Go to work all day, come home, and wonder why there's a note from the police that your dog has been barking for the last 6 hours, waiting for you to come home (and continue to ignore it)
- No one wants to look after your mutt.You can't take a vacation in Hawaii this year, because you can't find anyone stupid enough to dog-sit a potential killer for the next month.
- How would you like it if your tail was chopped off at a convenient spot of your spine?A dog's tail is an extension of the spine. It helps them to keep balance when they run. Moreover, A dog's tail position and motion is incorporated as a component of a complex system of body language that domestic dogs use to show excitement or agitation. *[answers.com]
- His bark is not worse than his bite.When was the last time you heard on the news: "another woman was treated in hospital today after a savage dog bark."
The reality is, you bleeding heart/redneck twit: There were safer choices, and you still picked your precious Poopsie, fully well knowing the potential consequences. You consciously chose to pick a fight with the rest of the sane society in which we live.
Get rid of your fargin' dog.
2012 Jan 26
Google's new "privacy" declaration
In essence, as Google scores more and more data from everyone, they can cross-reference more and more transactions, visits, and generic data about a (supposed) anonymous individual.
In the future, as Google gets stronger, Big Brother gets more formidable. What happens when they buy out Paypal/EBay? And Facebook? And Travelocity?
Anonymity has always been fleeting on the network. Only the naive would think that what they do can't be tracked. Progressive partnerships/links between services will become more skilled at gluing together circumstantial clues, resulting in definitive profiles of all of us. They'll know that it was me who clicked on that porn link in a spam mail (accidental or not), and they'll know it was me who ordered the 20lbs of ammonium nitrate from Kansas. [side note: still better that the 'they' currently isn't UofA administration]
So, for me, I don't really care -- there's too much data out there that is more interesting than mine. Doing digital dumpster diving to craft enough circumstantial evidence to ascertain that
- I have three prescription meds,
- eat too many (Lays brand) chips,
- don't get a newspaper every day,
- buy most of my groceries at Safeway
- seem to do my banking with TD bank and CIBC (based on envelopes thrown out)
- eat meat
- my name is either 'dear occupant' or 'George Carmichael'
Here is the google privacy declaration link: http://www.codeproject.com/News.aspx?ntag=73644597412654455
2011 Dec 13
A Hero gets traded to the Centre of the Universe
Begin forwarded message:
From: George Carmichael
Subject: Comments From Esks.com.
Date: 13 December, 2011 2:34:23 PM MST
To: email@example.comHello, Eskimo Front Office.
Although my name is not on your season's ticket roster, I have shared/paid for a season ticket with DENNIS GOODHELPSEN, and the Goodhelpsen family since 1978. The Goodhelpsens have held season's tickets since the 50's - check your records.
The last few years, I have been teetering on asking my buddy Dennis to skip my renewal. The "stadium experience" is not conducive to real fans -- the 'make more noise' shilling that Chris Scheetz does, combined with the deafening, ear-piercing music(?) coming from the speakers one millisecond after each whistle has made each home game an endurance test for me.
I sucked it up, and wore ear plugs.
Last year, you let Jason Maas go, only to bring in a 'back-up' with an *identical* pedigree (MVP a couple of times, Grey Cup experience, etc.) Maas spilled blood for our team and this city, and you gave him the shaft.
Yesterday was the last straw - allowing Tillman and Reed to get rid of an icon, Ricky Ray. Tillman has no loyalty to Edmonton, and the ridiculous notion that 'short term pain' will be rewarded in the long run ... cannot go unpunished.
As small a gesture as it is (you probably won't notice that the Goodhelpsen family will be ordering one less ticket this year) I'm out.
I just wanted to make sure that, even though I'm sending this to a catch-all email address that could easily be ignored, someone knows that enough is enough.
My "trade" in doing this boycott? Saving $400 every year, not to mention $30 per game at the concession (another $300). That gives me $700 toward one flight a year to Toronto to watch one of CFL's best players - ever- and not contributing a dime toward new big shot Len Rhodes, egotistical Tillman, and the remnants of a team I've supported all of my life. Loyalty means a lot to me. Too bad it doesn't to the Esks anymore.
I've supported the Esks to the tune of > $20,000. I'm still young enough that I would have probably contributed another $20,000 before I died. The two kids that I have raised into adulthood watching the Esks will not likely contribute either.
Best of luck trying to fill your newly refurbished seats. Hope that works well for you.
18520 - 68 Ave Edmonton
2011 Oct 14
One for Jay Leno's Stupid Headlines
"TREATING THE DEATHS AS SUSPICIOUS"
Some headlines scream out for an idiot-cleansing of the population.
The headline for Edmonton Sun today was "Man found slain in SUV had a dark past".
The story talks about another very nice young man, who was kind to all of his friends (of course), "turning his life around", when he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Yeah, Edmonton is winning the race to secure the title "City of Champions" again - this time for violent crimes.
We're not actually sure this was a homicide.
The police are only treating this, err... "incident" as suspicious
Yeah, a little suspicious, alright. Our emergency wards have seen a lot of deaths incurred by the natural cause of ten bullets coming through a car window and accidentally landing in a bystander's chest. "Lead poisoning" was probably the cause of death, but we'll have to perform an autopsy to be sure.
I'm sure that the EPS aren't that fargin' stupid, but the spokesmen/women for the police force take their neutrality/"no comment" stance a little too far, don't you think? Or maybe they actually have an official section of the department called "Suspicious Incident Division" -- the City probably didn't give EPS enough funds to actually build a "Homicide Division", like those very expensive TV police shows.
Weird: The Mayor wants our city to behave like one of the big cities (New York, Detroit, Chicago), have stadiums downtown, and all the other things that make those American cities "number one". Okay, we're getting close with one feature: the number of murders. Maybe once we actually surpass Detroit in "suspicious deaths (of people known to police) by knives and guns" we'll be able to upgrade/promote our "Suspicion Investigators" to full-blown "Homicide Detectives".
Keep working on it, Edmonton. Along with being the city of morons, we'll soon be able to chant "We're Number ONE!" for another reason.
2011 Sep 28
Here come the judge, there go the esteem.
Grudges. Everyone’s got ‘em, right?
Some people have observed that I hold grudges for too long. I’ll remember that.
Hey, if I can have life-long friends, then surely, I should be allowed to have life-long enemies?
I think the cliché “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” sucks. Those experiences help to shape your future self. Media has recently taken up a long overdue cause: bullying – warning people that negative experiences often scar the victim for a long time. What? I thought that negative experiences were supposed to be good for you… like the TV dads who overly discipline their kids saying “if it wasn’t for me beating you everyday, you wouldn’t have become a successful police officer.”, or “If I hadn’t told you that you have no talent, you wouldn’t have end up in Juliard.”
Shaping your life based on bad experiences? Yep, that’s me. I’ve been privileged to have lived through some really terrific “bad examples”. One of those examples nearly took away a passion of mine – music.
[The story you are about to hear is as factually accurate as a senile senior can recall. The actual facts may be slightly different. However, given that the guy holding the long-time grudge rarely needs an accurate reason for his state, perception and interpretation of the facts from his youth is 10-tenths of the law]
After eight years of playing French horn in Jr. High, High School, university and marching band – and being taught by extremely accomplished brass musicians, I was given a terrific opportunity to join a high-school alumni jazz band… as a trumpeter! Great learning experience, I thought. It wasn’t even my old school – it was one of our long-time “competitors’”. It was such a treat! The band played really smokin’ numbers, including a couple of Maynard Ferguson charts. Don Jenner, the conductor, gave me the opportunity to show off my high notes on those tunes. The band sounded great. We entered the Canadian Stage Band festival that year, and that’s when I got blind-sided by a show-off band judge.
Half-way through our performance on stage, the band was playing “Shaft” – a Maynard arrangement that had tons of high notes. I was blasting them out like a pro, then… after one long passage, I took a breath, and stepped back – off the back of the stage! After a short startled moment, I hopped back onto the platform, ready to keep playing the rest of the high notes, looked up, and saw the entire audience laughing its collective asses off! No matter… it probably was funny.
I didn’t miss a note of that piece. My momentary disappearing act happened during a few bars’ rest, so by the time I got back on stage and reset, I continued to belt out the double-G’s for the rest of the tune, and the two tunes that followed. I think it was probably one of the best gigs the band had done.
Then, the judge came up. He totally ignored the performance. Completely. With his microphone, he turned his back to the audience, looked me square in the eyes, pointed his finger, and spent the next eternity (probably 8 minutes) lecturing me on how to play trumpet: “You passed out because you are playing the instrument incorrectly”. I was only 17 or 18, and recovering from the shell-shock from falling off the stage – here was a world-renowned musician berating me in public, and I was too intimidated quickly respond back to him with “I didn’t pass out, I just stepped backward off the stage!”. He spent the time to elaborate that I was breathing incorrectly, that I was standing wrong, holding the horn wrong, and then he turned to the audience and continued his lecture about brass mechanics, using me as the example of “the wrong way”.
It was a performance for him. I just happened to be the catalyst for him to break into (probably) a well-rehearsed “schtick”. The fact that the foundation for his 8-minute personal lecture was erroneous? - Immaterial.
Like a lot of performers - turned adjudicators, give him an audience, and he becomes the centre of attention – microphone, solo instrument – they’re both the same. The group behind him is merely a backdrop to highlight his ego.
Like many others, the so-called critiques given by adjudicators to the individual groups were boiler-plate clichés, such as “your group looked like they were really having fun up there” (translation: “You sucked, but I’ll start by saying something positive”). Then they’ll spout a generic talk about balance within the sections, then pick on a random 16-bar passage of one of the songs they were already familiar with, get the kids to pick up their horns and make them play it again. And again. Then, regardless of whether the passage truly improved, turn to the audience soliciting acknowledgement on how his three minutes of lecture miraculously turned around the band.
I went home humiliated, cried, then put my horn away. Did my idols and mentors, the principal horn player from the ESO (David Smith), and the lead trumpet of the Tommy Banks Band (Gary Guthman) not teach me proper brass mechanics as a kid? No more bands for me. No more practicing/learning attempts to improve. You’re done. Give it up, and concentrate on computing science.
Thanks, Mr. Big Shot Judge. You successfully scuttled another aspiring musician.
Two years later, I was still being introduced to people in Edmonton’s music world as “the guy who fell off the stage on got lectured for it”.
Set the clock forward another eight years or so. I was back in a great band, being run by Bob Stroup – a jazz legend in our city. He encouraged our bandmates to play with excitement and energy. Bob liked my lead trumpet playing – an “East Coast Lead Trumpet style,” he said. GMCC Outreach had won a regional stage band award the previous year. For the festival this year, one of the judges was a friend of Bob’s. Bob asked if that musician would like to join our band on stage the night before the festival to play a few numbers. Awesome. Bob had brought in his pro- buddies before – most notably jazz trumpet master Bobby Shew! It was a real honour to be treated like a pro-band.
So, we’re at the Yardbird warming up for the jazz concert: “GMCC Outreach Big band with special guest – DS”. As we’re warming up, someone points out to DS that “the trumpet player in the back row is the one who fell off the stage a few years back when you were a judge at the festival”. He approaches me, points his finger in acknowledgement and says “I remember you!”. I knew what a shit he was for what he had done to me, but I politely responded (this time) with “I didn’t pass out – I just stepped backward off the stage”. Eight years late, but I finally got to correct him. The end.
We started the gig, and it was awesome. We played well. Then, DS came up, waived to the audience and polls the crowd, “Great band, isn’t it?!” (polite cheers from the crowd). So, we start playing a pretty hot chart, and DS plays a terrific long solo throughout the piece. Our trumpet section was awesome – and his tune gave us plenty of opportunity to play high and loud, too. Nearing the end of the piece, he plays an extended open solo, and the band comes in with the last note. I blast out one of the most perfect double-C’s on record – long and strong! DS struggles to get higher and higher for his final note, but eventually settles for something like a high G. Cut off! Audience roars in approval! DS takes a monster bow, opens his arm to acknowledge the band to the audience, takes the mic and re-iterates “What a great band!”… more cheers from the approving audience.
Then, DS turns to the band with a terrifying, glaring look, and says “I’m the one who’s being paid to play the high notes.” My section-mates smile over at me – my eyes are down, trying to avoid the stare of the judge. I murmur only to myself: “that’s OK, I’ll hit those notes for free.” – I should have said it out loud, and maybe pointed out that I held a double-C for about 8 seconds, and didn't pass out.
The next night, we play the festival. Same tunes. DS comes up on stage to judge our performance, and totally lambastes us for how poor the band played. No musicality. Couldn’t keep tempo. Out of tune. Really, he just spewed a whole bunch of generic cheap shots.
Afterward, Bob Stroup was totally dejected. The next rehearsal he tells the band, “We’re not going to go into that festival anymore, or any other judged event.”
Thanks, once again, DS, for tearing down another musician – Bob Stroup was your friend, and you totally broadsided him. Some things with bullies never change.
I’m old now. I’ve experienced all kinds of bullies throughout my life. The worst bullies are the ones that behave like your friends when it’s convenient, but will publicly berate and belittle you when they’ve got an audience. They are uncaring, egotistical show-offs.
I am stronger because of my experiences with bullies. I’ve spent my life trying to help others, and stick up for the little guys, in defence of common sense and fairness. The technique has served me well over the years. But, the long-term side effect is that I’ve become a bitter, critical, cranky, suspicious soul.
Thanks, CJ (child), DS (youth), MB (adult), JS (adult) – you, and many others like you, have made me what I am. You proud of that?
2011 Aug 5
Leave all dunces behind
Geo's Queue TheoryCLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD A LARGER PDF, SUITABLE FOR FRAMING IN YOUR FAVOURITE COMMUNITY HALL
2011 Jan 28
Madel's street: clean.
10 blocks north, 10 blocks west: the surface of the moon
Here's an aerial map of two very similar neighbourhoods. They both service around 60 houses. They are both in the West end of the city. They both have citizens who pay taxes.
One of these communities is not like the other.
There are several things that are the same between Ormsby West and Lessard. Neither of the communities are on the bus routes. There are elementary schools in the vicinity. Neither route can be considered 'short cuts'/'alternate routes' to get from one major road to another.
As far as I can tell, the only difference between these two neighbourhoods is that Mayor Stephen Mandel lives in one of them. Probably a lot of other high-profile people live there, too. My street, on the other hand, has plumbers, electricians, school teachers, laid off UofA employees, and bus drivers.
The good news is that Ormsby neighbours have really gotten to know each other over the last few weeks -- out of necessity, everyone is helping out: pushing vehicles out of intersections, away from curbs, and out of driveways. After a successful escape, there have been many man-hugs and high-fives. We have apparently accepted the responsibility to "take one for the team", and as good citizens, do the work that the city is paid to do... after all, any money saved on roadway maintenance can help to build a new hockey rink for downtown ... and that's what we really really want!
I don't believe that Mandel actively "ordered" his minions to clear his street before mine. I'll blame the transportation department, who would most certainly have arranged their shovelling schedule to look after their bosses first. After all, they don't really have to deal with the public - complaints from Joe Scheme to an answering machine definitely carries less weight than a phone call from the Mayor to the shift boss, onto Dispatch, then down to regional road workers. Still, a good leader would make a conscious effort to ensure others were taken care of first, before his own needs were met. So, his street was cleaned first. He didn't brag, but he didn't protest, either.
Something else... I've noticed some of these city owned/leased vehicles rumbling into my neighbourhood with their empty buckets high in the air. The only way they can get into our streets is to roll over top of our craters. These mindless drones probably are thinking:"yeah, it's bumpy here, but it's not my job; I wasn't told to plow here. I'm heading for the rich people's houses".Our city employees are not paid to think (hence windrows blocking driveways). They were told: "Plow street X." So, that's what they do. You are not paid to think, Mr. Grader Operator. Just do your 'designated route', and forget helping out where you actually could make a difference.
There's an old saying that may have been applied here: "Shit before Shovel" -- it was supposed to be a sarcastic, less-cordial version of "Age before Beauty", in declaring who should go first at something. If the Mayor and the Planning Dept were thinking of this when they were developing the cleaning priorities, then, I guess, I concur.
Until spring comes, I'll just entertain myself in my lunar hut, in my lonely crater, looking out my window -- watching the UPS driver, School Bus Driver, Garbage Truck, and Epcor vehicle push themselves out of my district's two-foot slush-ruts. ...I'll also be anxiously waiting to see how our civic brain-trust screw up the mosquito control this coming spring.
2011 Jan 10
P*I*T*C*H D*E*A*F !!!
It's only bothered me for 35 years.
I'm home during the afternoon (another tirade, but I'm not allowed to write about it, because I signed an agreement PS: the UofA sucks ).
I now get the privilege (?) of spending hours glued to daytime TV.
History Television is actually pretty good...except...
... when they run the opening credits for M*A*S*H.
That TV show is still fun to watch. I used to fall asleep to it when I was in high school - an after supper routine that I cherished.
Here's the problem:About half-way through the tenure of the series, they re-did the opening credits (when B.J. Hunnicut was introduced, I believe - 179 episodes). For the revised opening credits, the theme tune ("Suicide is Painless") was made painful; a flute comes in over top of the harmon-muted trumpets, and is completely, terribly OUT OF TUNE!!! [LISTEN]Michael Altman (14 years old at the time) wrote the lyrics - he's rich because of residuals. Johnny Richards (a very accomplished composer) deserves the money, too.
M*A*S*H survived eleven seasons. My ears did not.
EASTWEST STUDIOS is the culprit. They claim to have recorded/engineered the theme song. A show-off flute (or very shitty piccolo) goes up the octave just in advance of the bridge, then plays out of tune for the remainder of the tune. Everywhere on the 'net, posters have been smart enough to avoid that copy of the tune in "tribute" pages. That is, even tone deaf computer nerds know to avoid the newer version!
Those eight bars permanently damaged musicians' ears for over 170 episodes - not counting reruns. Strung end-to-end, that's about nine hours of this ochestratic butchering. (If you want, I'll tie THIS together 179 times...)
But, by musician's union rights, the flute/piccolo player presumably gets a little piece of the action, too. He/She doesn't deserve it.
So, suicide is painless, huh? -- Hey, Mr. Out-of-Tune Flautist!
Go ahead! You've certainly inflicted enough pain on us! Please play out the song for us all.
2010 Oct 28
To Beeeeeeeee or not to Buh
I've been in the computer industry longer than most of you whippersnappers have been alive.
Thus, I don't much appreciate being corrected on my pronunciation of words that happen in the ever-changing world of techno-verbage, thank you very much.
Let's all pronounce the following terms together, shall we?
Okay, now that we've studied our techno-derivatives,
SAY the first letter
SAY all letters
derived from regular mail Elearning "Electronic" was the "in" prefix Etrading online stock trading iMac Steve Jobs thought the "e" was overused iPhone so the world now embraces the I iTunes ... and it's pronounced "eye-Tunes" iPad let the spoofs for over-using begin iFart I rest my case CATV Cable television VLan Virtual local area network EProm Erasable print/read-only memory DRam Dynamic random access memory ADSL Asynchronous digital subscriber line Btree Binary search tree VRam Video (card's) random access memory
URL Universal Resource Locator - does not rhyme with "Earl" DTP Desktop Publishing FTP File Transfer Protocol LED Light Emitting Diode - does not rhyme with "Fred" OS Operating System - not from the place the Wizard comes from CGI Common Gateway Interface EDI Electronic Data Interchange DPI Dots Per Inch ISP Internet Service Provider - does not sound like a snake speaking UI User Interface API Application Programming Interface - not "happy".
let's all say the following word out loud:B L O G
This thingy refers to a linear, time-line based diary (or "log") of things to say. Digitally, it's existed by many names over the years, even before today's internet. Posting to a public forum has been accomplished by conferencing systems, news groups, email lists, web pages themselves, and the one that the "B" is derived from: "Bulletin Boards". More accurately, it's replicating the BBS experience, using the Web, thus the web based log.
"Bulletin Board Systems" had the abbreviation: BBS, and no, it wasn't pronounced "bibs".
A hundred years ago, sailors called their daily journal a "log". A hundred years ago, "mail" was delivered by over-paid postal workers.
We called the electronic mail system "EMail". It could have easily have been coined as "DMail" ("digital mail"), or if Steve Jobs were to re-invent it, it would have been neon blue, and called "IMail".
"Blogs" could have very easily been coined as "Elogs" or "Dlogs", or for Steve, "Ilogs".
So...Don't rag on me when I pronounce a "blog" as:... and, yes, my two learned offspring, I'm talking to you!BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Log
By the way -- it's CHOW - DAH!! - not "choire dierre"! Say it Frenchie!!
2010 Oct 21
Leave no dunce behind
Besides the ridiculous preaching to 'vote, no matter what', we are experiencing another really bad trend in our society.
As if we don't have enough morons in our city, we get the following brilliant statement, "We want every single kid to walk across the stage with a high school diploma."
Haven't our teachers and principals suffered enough? The "Leave no student behind" has left our city riddled with twenty-year-old illiterates; when dimwits should have failed grade three (because they couldn't recite the alphabet), our teachers have been completely pressured into passing them into the next grade.
Passing from one grade to the next is not a right — or at least, it shouldn't be!
Most school principals don't seem to have the balls to look a parent straight in the eyes and say:Of course, this is where the parents of little, precious, Johnny do one of a few things:
But idiot parents aren't the only problem. The system is stacked against high calibre. Money is given to schools based on the number of enrolled kids, the number of kids taking a full course load, and a truckload of other administrative contrivances. All of the pressure can be traced back to a political system that does not embrace excellence. Just like our newly elected trustee implies:It's QUANTITY — not quality
Slightly off topic — Examiner editor Scott Haskins, asserts that there should have been more talk by the city counsellors about the fate of schools ("Miss: The lack of focus on school closures in the election campaign. It's a huge issue and shouldn't be confined to the school boards"). Scott must have been one of the students not left behind in our public school system: in Canada, education is a provincial matter, not a municipal matter. I believe I learned that in (about) grade 8.
2010 Oct 4
Sanctimonious maroons with big media profiles
James Cameron? Bob Barker?
How is it that James Cameron can take a huge leap and criticize the Alberta Oil Sands, when he admitted that he "didn't have the whole story yet?"
Sure, he eventually took a skewed view of Northern Alberta by talking to some of the residents near the Athabasca river. But for months before that, he had already made up his mind.
How would he like it if things were reversed:I haven't seen the movie Avatar, but I have been told that it promotes bestiality.Yes! Avatar promotes Bestiality!
Apparently, the natives of the planet use an external appendage to mate with other blue people. But, they use that same appendage to attach to flying dragons. Just to insult us further, the female natives are nude, with blue paint applied.
I think we should be boycotting James Cameron films (as if we needed another reason - thanks for promoting Celine Dion, Jimbo). He has successfully disguised porn in a way that has sucked millions of dollars out of the moviegoing public.
I also don't think the movie is anything other than a remake of a 1960's Western, where John Wayne protects the natives from the encroaching white man onto the Sioux territory. Or Kevin Costner protecting the Indians in Dances With Wolves. Or Tom Cruise in the Last Samurai. Or Sigourney Weaver in Gorillas in the Mist. Or Sean Connery in The Last Dragon. Or Daniel Day-Lewis in The Last of the Mohicans. Or William Shatner in Star Trek The Voyage Home (save the whales). Or ... well ... you get the idea. How lazy is Cameron for regurgitating this old story?
Hey! James Cameron recycles old ideas, and passes them off as his own!
--- Oh, and Bob Barker: Have all of the cats and dogs in the world been spayed or neutered yet? No? How 'bout you spend more time on that crusade? If you're completely successful, you'll have contributed to adding domestic animals to the list of endangered species. Bob Barker, you must hate animals!!
Oh, and Jimbo and Bob? Thanks for visiting Edmonton the other month, and contributing to our economy.
2010 Aug 27
GAP joins a growing list of corporate idiots
Somehow, they're going to boycott tar sands' oil
It just proves that the 'GAP' is really between their ears.
So, people are going to boycott oil and gas from the oil sands of Alberta? Now, how the hell are they going to do that?
Here are two sources of oil
Yes, they're different. There are three regions in Alberta that handle the Oil Sands.
There are 220,000 conventional oil and gas wells.
OK, fine. Different sources of raw materials. One type has been cutting roads through the prairies and farm land for a hundred years. The other scrapes clay from the earth, then digs out goop.
THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
it ALL goes here!
ALL of the oil goes to one of these!!!
From that point, ALL of the oil travels using one of these techniques:
Can you tell which molecule of oil/gas came from 'conventional' methods, rather than the tar sands????
I can't. And I really doubt that a flogger of expensive jeans can, either.
HOW THE HELL CAN YOU
TELL WHERE YOUR OIL AND GAS CAME FROM?
Morons. Let's boycott morons before we pick on anyone else.
2010 June 23
Oversell of excitement for boring things
Example: Attendance at the Capital-Ex Parade
I was a band judge at this year's Capital-Ex parade. That is, I was there. (The quality of the parade? That is a different tirade).
This tirade is about the absurd exaggeration on radio and TV about the attendance at the annual event. They do this as part of their continued contribution to convince us that Edmonton has the best of everything; we have to continually lie to ourselves. We need brainwashing to artificially inflate our self-esteem (that's also another tirade).
Before and after the parade I heard this -- over and over:In fact, check out this 'report' from the Capital Ex web site:
"Over 200,000 Edmontonians lined the parade route for the annual event"
Actually, if you watched Global TV news last night, the teaser into the news cast had Lynda Steele tout "250,000 people" came out to the event. Then, at the end of the newscast, they show a few snippets of the parade with an voice-over stating "over a hundred thousand people lined the streets... etc etc"
Somehow, even Global must have realized how completely impossible is would be to have over 25% of the population of the city of Edmonton come out to "line the streets". 20 city blocks . So, they downgraded their exaggeration to 100,000.
Take a look at the parade route:
(click to enlarge)
That parade route amounts to twenty city blocks. Edmonton city blocks, not Las Vegas city blocks.
200,000 people into 20 city blocks means that, on average, there were 10,000 people sitting on the sidewalk for each block! Or, 5,000 people per side per block.
Here's a typical site of the density of the parade route (I know it was typical - I was there):
(click to enlarge)
Is there any human out there who would be able to extrapolate the number of bodies along the parade route by thinking that this small area held over 5000 people?
Morons. The city is full of morons - that is also another tirade.
2009 July 3
Join George's one-man protest of the insulting, ear-bleeding presentations of Football games at Commonwealth Stadium.To:
Nicole TurenneHello, Nicole --
Edmonton Eskimo Football Club
(780) 448-1696 wk
(780) 429-3452 fax
I'm sending this to you in the hope that you will pass this message along to members of the Esks' board. The web site doesn't make it easy for people to contact the general manager or others at a high administrative level of the organization.
I'd like to voice my frustration with the game presentation and the deterioration of the essence of the football game.
I was at the game last night. The game was okay, but I'm getting more than a little weary of how the Esks present the game at the stadium. Along with my lifelong pal (we both turned 50 this year), I've had seasons' tickets since the team moved into Commonwealth (1977). Before that, I was a Knothole ganger in Clarke Stadium (when I wasn't playing trumpet at the stadium with the JP Rebel marching Band).
I'm not enjoying the games in person anymore -- the action on the field is always fine (whether we win or lose), but the constant CONSTANT blaring of ear-piercing music coming from the speakers every split second after each whistle is really killing the game for me.
And for the last few seasons it's gotten worse: the stadium announcer compounds the frenzy by soliciting cheers from the crowd -- how lame can you get. It reminds me of the "APPLAUSE" sign held up in the old-time studio audience TV shows -- apparently, the Esks fans aren't intelligent enough to know when to cheer without some paid shill with a microphone soliciting a cheer.
You have obviously decided that the product and goal for the four-plus hours of game night is to keep the noise level up and "entertaining the crowd in anyway you can", without any regard to the actual sport on the field.
The people who are loyal to the CFL will know when something good happens. They'll also know nuances of the game that are quite trivial -- for example: people who are there to watch the game will instantly know that when there's a flag in the backfield, it's usually a "holding" call (whether they saw it or not). In contrast, people who are there for the "experience" will know that alcohol sales stop promptly at the end of the third quarter.
The audience that the Esks and the CFL have embraced over the years would be targeting the "WHOLE EXPERIENCE of being at the park", which includes fans watching people walk up the stairs, or those same ridiculously over-/under-dressed people parading multiple times up the stairs in order to willingly show off to others. Even the Esks' tickets are printed with photos of people dressed up, prompting the "LOOK AT ME" crowd mentality, rather than "LOOK AT THE GAME". This fake pride reminds me of the so-called "patriots" who rioted on Whyte Avenue after playoff games, or July 1 celebrations.
We may have the highest attendance in the league, but it's an embarrassment compared to the early 80's. Why are there 25,000 empty seats in the stadium? It's because veteran sport enthusiasts who used to fill Commonwealth to its capacity of 63,000 every night have given up. The erosion did not come because we haven't had another Wilkie/Moon era, it came because real fans have been forced to compete in a stadium filled with people who are there for "the experience".
There were years when _true_ fans would go to the game, and, without being coaxed into cheering, roared approval only when something good occurred on the field. After the whistle, (during the downtime) the fans could converse with their neighbour about what just happened -- without risking impending throat surgery from shouting over the blaring of the loudspeakers.
Consider television broadcasts. After a play ends, the announcers replay the down from a couple of angles, and talk about what just happened. In the stadium, we hear only thunderous electric guitars and hammer-wielded drum kit cymbals! Would TSN ever consider scrapping the colour commentary between downs, and simply play 29 second snippets from some 26-year-old's iPod?
If the experience at the stadium was "watching football", rather than being barraged with a 110 decibel lambasting, the occasional rain wouldn't drop my spirits -- and I would have stayed to the end of the game last night.
Now, there's too many negatives for my threshold of tolerance - from now on if the weather isn't going to be perfect, I'm not going. Going to every game has turned into an undesirable obligation to simply fill my (paid) seat. Given the randomness of weather in Edmonton, I'm likely going to drop my seasons' tix next year, and only go when the weather's guaranteed to be nice, the starting time is convenient for me, and I have earplugs.
Thank you very much for taking the time to consider this letter.
2008 Oct 3
IGNORE THE PRESSURE TO VOTE…
The high-horse media (virtually every morning show host on the radio and TV) spend a great deal of time preaching how important it is to vote in the political elections. News reports and headlines whine about the “voter apathy”, when we get only 30% of the young people voting in the civic, provincial, and federal elections. Media hosts bring in spokespersons from different segments of the population to preach, “get out there and vote, so our demographic has a say!”
“It doesn’t matter who you vote for, just get out and vote”
NO!!! I say!!!
Voting based on little or no knowledge, and relying on the headlines saying, “Mr. Smith/Party J is ahead in the polls”, or “Mrs. Jones scored a knock-out punch during the televised debate”, does not do our society any favours.
If you can’t think for yourself, then for Jebus’ sake, stay the hell out of the way.
For once, I’d like my vote to count for something, rather than be diluted by a bunch of lemmings.
I’m going to vote for the person in my riding that I believe will best support me. I’m not voting for the leader of the party – you don’t do that! You vote for a localized representative! The party with the most elected representatives governs – that fact probably comes as a shocker to most of you mindless lemmings. Party politics is the worst sham in a so-called democracy. At least the civic election has a handful of independent thinkers (too bad that the Vote Lemmings revert to re-electing the incumbent, just “because”, rather than considering the candidate that would best support the community).
“...but I like what party XX believes in…”– what a crock and a cop-out. Do you really think that just because you voted for a member of a particular party that you will have automatically secured a “voice”?! Get real. The governing party has twelve-to-sixteen people who speak (the “ministers”) – the rest of the so-called elected officials become mirrors to your own blind lemming status; the back-benchers have no “voice”, other than “yes, sir”. Why not elect someone with the gonads to stand up as an individual, and rock the boat once in a while when necessary?
Something else about “yes men” – the leader is only going to select ministers that will not become a threat to him/her. The strongest elected member, will likely not be put in a place where the party, leader, or “party-line” will be jeopardized.
Lemmings are ruling our society. And most of you are to blame.
Thanks, media, for screwing up my society.
WATCH FOR MORE TIRADES:
(in no particular order)
- Fahrenheit vs Celsius
- The customer is always right? In my eye.
- Tax/Financial "industry"
- Dirty Oil vs Oil Spills
- Global Warming
- Ft. Edmonton
- Marching Bands in our city
- Northlands is Non-profit???
- The world will collapse if we lose the Oilers - yeah, right.
- Free Advertising (front page, etc) for Sports
- Urban Sprawl
- "Time limit" TV shows -- Mantracker, most renovation/makeover shows
- Artificially long/pregnant pauses before announcing a winner/loser.
- Interviewing losers.
- "exclusive" accu-weather/traffic copter, etc.
- Lotteries that 'support' social services because the Govt won't
- "Civil" Engineers and Planning?
- Prices to "rent" public facilities
- The list of word misusage
- Purposely misspelling a baby's name to make it "unique"
Geo's Growing List of Personal Boycotts and Whinings
[aka shit list]
|Futureshop||Consumer Electronics||Only as a last resort||"The expensive TV you're about to buy is crap. You'll need to buy our
On the other hand, they've got a good selection of DVDs at reasonable prices, and they won't try to sell you the extended warranty for a Beach Boys CD.
|Philips||Consumer Electronics||Never again||You spend $3500 on a Plasma TV, and it breaks. You go to the internet and find that MANY people have suffered from the same problem.|
|Samsung||Consumer Electronics||Be careful||This is the company that manufactured the flaky boards used in the Philips Plasma TV that fried. Unfortunately, Samsung is everywhere, and is often the RAM supplier for many computers.|
|Sharp||Consumer Electronics||Never again||I'm still waiting (16 months) for a firmware upgrade to allow my Aquos Blu Ray to read ANY >2009 releases. Piece 'O Crap. Nice support... not.|
|Ford||Vehicles||Never recommend||I love my Mustang. I loved my Capri. I loved my Thunderbird, I loved my Torino. I loved my Villager. The company sucks. Similar to my Philips Plasma TV, Ford recognized a design flaw in my Mustang's engine, and did a recall on the identical engine - if it were in the F-150 Truck, but not on my sports car. The internet is crawling with people who have experienced the same $2000 engine flaw as me.|
|Western Pontiac Dealership, Stony Plain Rd, 184 Street||Vehicles||Never again||Refused to repair my Regal's driver side door lock (car was broken into), saying, in essence, it was impossible. Laziness. Took it to a small mechanic's shop (PLATZ) - repaired it in a couple of hours.|
|West End Hyundai||Vehicles||Hard to tolerate||We bought two vehicles from there, and over the last year, they've sent about 15 snail letters trying to convince us to sell the cars and buy new ones. Can you say harassment? (Update 2010 Oct 27) A 2.5-hour 'preventative maintenance check' cost $340. That's about $300 more than the same check from Mr. Lube.|
|Cascade||Household Goods||Never again||An extremely good repairman/handyman (Dufferin) fixes my dishwasher, due to completely clogged drains. Says this happens constantly to many many people. The cause: the fargin' soap. No new dishwasher required. "Just switch to Electrasol, and you'll be fine". We did. Finally, clean dishes.|
|Save-on Foods 63Ave, 199 street||Coupons||Be careful||Twice in a row, I've been hosed at the checkout because they didn't apply the coupons to my purchases.|
|Save-on Foods 102Ave, 170 street||Bakery||Never again||little dead critters.|
|Oilers Hockey||Entertainment||Never again||Spending Cretien's Federal Govt infrastructure to build sky suites did it for me, but the list is far longer than that. Now we have new idiots trying to spend my money on those rich babies.|
|City Politicians||Politics||Despise||Striving to "get our city on the map" is an obsession that is only a sign of our inferiority complex.|
|"Good Cause" fund raisers||Politics||Never||"Full House Lotteries", "Stars Ambulance", etc etc. They are fund raising for core societal needs (a new MRI, supporting an ambulance) -- you know: the things that are the responsibility of our lazy, incompetent, socially misguided priority-inept government.|
|Oilers Fund raiser||Politics||Never||A team of multi-millionaires are doing a fund raiser begging for mere mortals to contribute to a community cause? Give me a friggin break. If it's that fargin' important, build a percentage of your salary to community donations, and leave people who don't fight or play on skates for a living alone to survive.|
|All Bryan Hall Activities and endorsements||Media and consumer||Never||The minute I hear this long-winded, tongue twisted twit on the radio, I change the station. I will also totally avoid anything he has advertised. There has never been a more pompous shill on the radio.|
|Tom Goodchild's chain of pubs and restaurants||Dining||Only under duress||This chain (Sawmill, Brewsters, etc) is not going to get much (if any) of my business. I used to run a popular restaurant review web site. His restaurants got good reviews for months, then a couple of unfavourable reviews showed up. I got contacted by their Lawyer, threatening me.|
|L & W Pizza & Spaghetti House, Hinton||Dining||Never Again||Nothing but McCain's-style frozen everything: frozen salmon, frozen carrots, frozen french fries, etc. Maybe their pizza is OK, but I'm not about to go back to find out. Cheap beer does not make up for inedible food.|
|Apple||Computers||Be careful||The extended Apple Warranty is needed (around $200). Especially with the laptops. Over the last decade or so, the reliability of Apple's hardware has degraded to become every bit as bad as their crappy PC counterparts. Shameful. Other than the MiniMac, there hasn't been a solid desktop since the Mac IIci days.|
|HP||Computer/Peripherals||Never again||Quality hardware with the crappiest software in existence. Their drivers are flaky, the UI design is atrocious.|
|LaCie||Computer/Peripherals||Never again||Yeah, their external hard drives are cheap. And you get what you pay for. I'm now in possession of three drives with external AC adaptors that are too weak to drive the boxes. I'm not the only one, either. This is a very very common problem, and they no longer deserve my business.|
|Campbell's Soups||Food||Hmmm...||Yuk. Campbell's PEA SOUP is just nowhere NEAR as good as Habitat's. Sheesh, Campbell's clam chowder isn't bad -- you'd think the pea soup would be decent, too.|
|SonyStyle||Computers||Never again||I'm repairing an old Vaio laptop. I need a replacement A/C adaptor. $120. From Amazon: $18.|
|Shogun Restaurant||Parking||Don't park||Hey! The underground "free parking" is a car trap! It'll scrape the bottom of your car! Park on the street. (PS: good food.)|
|Telus||Help Desk||Despise||Never has there been a more vapid group of front-line "support" people.|
|Air Canada ROUGE||Travel||Avoid||Cram too many passengers into an eight hour flight, give them no entertainment or food, no leg room, then watch the 'happiness' grow.|
|Rice Bowl Deluxe||Take-out||Avoid||Holy crapdoodle!! SO MUCH SAUCE GOOPED OVER EVERYTHING! You can't taste the meat! The burning sensation in your mouth is only matched by the burning feeling in your wallet!|